I recently had a revelation and I’ve been making pretty drastic changes that eliminate all things stressful and although they may have been spontaneous I’m feeling liberated. 4 months ago

Although I refused to take medication in the past I have now agreed to try something. I was having major sleep troubles so my dr had me try a mild anti depressant called trazadone that I take at night before bed. I must say it works like a charm and I forgot how a good night sleep could change your world. 12 months ago

Excuse me while I rant for the sake of my sanity.

I received a letter from school claiming that I lack six hours of senior college credit. And, therefore, I can’t graduate. Not that I lack anything that goes toward my degree. Just that I specifically lack hours from this school, which I have never heard about until just now, three months before graduation, when I’m getting all of my graduation information together.

Meanwhile, my advisor, the person who has been signing me up for classes for the past two years and telling me exactly what I need to graduate, has been totally oblivious.
So I email him, as politely as I can explaining the situation.
And his reply was:

Worst case scenario is you have to take summer school.

Excuse me? I don’t get paid to take summer classes. I don’t get paid to drive 100 miles each day to go to summer school. And your school drives me insane, the way it throws money at the business students, neglects upkeep on the liberal arts buildings, where I have to park two miles away and trudge to my classes in 100 degree temperatures, snow, whatever, and its total neglect of the environment. The one that has shootings and knife fights every week. You’re telling me that I have to pay to stay here another semester when you’re responsible for giving me direction, and you’ve been wrongfully telling me these last two years that I shouldn’t take extra classes (which would have been paid for)?

But… ’ no big deal ‘
Oh course I haven’t written him back because I’m going to refrain from flipping him the bird through an email in my emotional state.

I am just hoping for a miracle.
I know it’s not really his fault, but I’m angry. 15 months ago

I’ve learned a great deal about myself lately and when I have my lows and when I have my highs. Ive realized by staying in a routine and paying attention to when I feel anxiety and depression when I’m feeling ambitious and confident. Its like a week and a half every month before my period and then a week after my period I feel miserable. I’m thinking it’s hormonal or bipolar… Anyway Im going to talk to my doc about it and see what happens from there. 16 months ago

I need to learn to breathe. I’ve been practicing sitting outside and breathing before stressful moments. If I get anxious, I can soak in the air, close my eyes, and try to envision some place or something else.
But over the last week, I’ve found myself pacing. I wore vintage boots with a wooden heel, and I didn’t realize how long I’d been pacing until I heard the echo of the heel against the walls. I must have been at it for awhile. And then I remembered, yeah, that’s basically what I’ve been doing all week—pacing around my room, pacing around the living room, worrying about anything and everything.
I worried for an entire week about a paper that I wrote for a fiction writing class which was waiting to be reviewed. When I got into the class today, I heard almost nothing but good comments on it. But when I left, I was frustrated—frustrated because ‘How dare I prep myself to hear all of the bad comments and, instead, get all of these good reviews’ Seriously, that seems to be one of the most illogical things I’ve ever thought. I should be happy. But no. Instead, I paced.
I can’t always pinpoint why I’ve been so anxious. But lately, I think it’s dealt with home—or the lack of my own sense of home. I don’t think I’ve ever known what home is, so when I have a good day on campus and arrive home, everything crashes. I can feel the air clogging up as I walk into the doors. And I’m exhausted from the ups and downs that it brings.
I’ve also been going through some major identity crisis, and I’m all selfish about wanting it to end… right now. Two years ago, I knew exactly what I wanted to do in life, and now that I’m older and should know, I don’t. I feel like I’m reeling backwards, and I don’t know if or when I’ll ever stop.

Basically, I’m going to try to work on breathing or meditating or something, anything that will keep my mind from grasping Worry. 19 months ago