Stop feeling so guilty about all the little things i do

Ok, so, what is wrong with me? Why can’t I say no??? A friend just asked me to go to the theatre with him as his date and I really feel like it’s going to be just a boring waste of my time. He makes me feel weird now when I’m around him… treating me differently to how he used to. I so don’t want him to get the wrong idea but he’s a bloke- they were made for that!!!

I feel really bad about it but I can honestly say I’m dreading it. I can’t do anything anymore if it upsets other people. No one else would go with him he said. He hadn’t even asked other people… I dunno.

I really wish I had some sort of “me me me” button where I could say errrr No. Or even where I could lie and say I’m busy!!!! I am, however, incapable.

Hahaha

My ex somethingorother (if you can truly call him that)last night said that I don’t do anything that I truly want to. That I do what other people want me to do, or what I think will please other people and that for once I should just jump out there and do something, anything that I want to do.

Want to know the sad thing- most of what he said was totally true… and the other sad thing is that I don’t know what I want to do. I’m totally lost under everything else. I feel like I don’t know who I am, where I’m going, who I want to be or what I want to do. And then when I do decide I want to do something for myself, something that’s totally 100% selfish I feel guilty about it. I feel guilty saying No to people and I feel like I’ve let everyone down in a big way when I do something really little that’s a slight deviation from what everyone expects.

I’m just so fed up right now of it all.