be free from emotional cancers

I seldom complain unless it’s justified. I do criticize but not without sandwiching a compliment or two. I still compare, but more often than not, it leads to gratitude. I love to compete, but I know where to draw the line. Not every battle has to be fought, sometimes the war is won by preserving peace.

I began the day with an apology. Yesterday I committed one of the things I swore I would not do. I engaged in an email battle with a co-worker and things got quite hostile. Like most things, it started out quite innocently. But somewhere along the line, I misunderstood her email and assumed that she was asking me to do things that were out of my responsibility area.

I reiterated my scope and she took that as a cue to question where the heck I was coming from. I had the sensibility to stop the email trails there. I offered no reply but I knew I had ruffled some feathers. It didn’t occur to me how serious it was until I met her boss in the lift and he asked me what’s up between me and this person. I downplayed it and said it was just a minor misunderstanding, but to myself I know I could’ve prevented this if only I’d pick up the phone and clarify her motives.

I felt quite bad that evening as I drove home. It was made worse since the email was cc’ed to a group of people. I committed one of the gravest mistakes ever.. I did not seek to understand her first, before asking her to understand me.

So this morning, I was glad to see her car already parked in the basement. I went straight to her room and told her that I was wrong to make such statements and I was not in the right frame of mind when I replied (another deadly sin I believe). Anyway, she was gracious enough to admit she thought it was a minor misunderstanding and she knows I would help if it was within my capacity to do so.

When I left her room, I felt relieved that I had the sense to salvage this before our working relationship soured. Granted I don’t work that closely with her, but knowing we’re OK now made me feel a lot better and calmer as I set out to start my day.

..while I was listening to Stephen Covey’s tape on 7 Habits: Applications and Insights. The emotional cancers are complain, criticize, compare and compete. According to Covey, in order to carry our emotional weather more effectively, we should strive to build up our personal immunity so that we can always remain proactive instead of feeling like a victim.

Being proactive means not complaining, but instead figuring out ways to get involved and produce solutions. Sames goes for criticizing, coz when we do that, we are more inclined to judge others, instead of empathizing with them. Comparing with others will lead to insecurity while a highly competitive nature might make us blind to the price that we often pay to win at all cost.

I like this idea so much coz I know these bad habits often cause me to back slide especially when I’m weary or stressed out. It also jives well with the golden principle that states.. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”.

I had my first test today when my sister moaned and whined about the state of our house, how it’s messy and we don’t pick up after ourselves (she doesn’t live here). Instead of rebutting her points (which she was making while conversing with my mum), I just left the room coz I figured letting her go on would eventually make her shut up. Even if it did bother me, I know she didn’t mean any spite. Might as well not rock the boat or pour more oil into the fire, I know that nothing good would come out of it.

Am thinking with much practice, this will eventually get easier. But of course I’m no doormat, I think I’m mature enough to know the difference.