figure out what i want to be

So it’s happened. I’ve come across something that I could easily do the rest of my life and be really really happy with.

As I’ve kind of suspected all along, the film industry is a place I could easily find myself in.

I’m not looking to be an actress by any means. However, this summer I’ve been working as an extra and the energy on set is phenomenal. I love it so much. The hours blow but the money is great, and you get to mingle with celebrities…a far cry from the monotony I had a minor panic attack about last time I wrote an entry for this particular goal.

Hooray for a small breakthrough :)

For as long as I can remember, the only thing that I’ve wanted to be is famous. A musician, an actress, a fashion designer, you name it. I’m just completely into those kinds of things. Immersed in pop culture, raised in the city, brought up in an environment where I was told I could be anything I wanted. People tell me that they had those dreams, woke up one morning and realized that they were never going to happen, and then moved on with their lives.

Well here’s my two cents. I wake up in the morning, dreading that that’s going to happen to me. I think about holding an office job, or working behind a counter, going home to the suburbs, and staying there, suspended in a life of monotony, and I literally shudder.

I think I’m having a midlife crisis at the age of 19.

I don’t know what to do. Who to talk to. How to somehow make myself wake up and smell reality’s ugly, tangible stench. (Not that I want to.)

I just crave fast-paced, in your face, grungy, real, city life with lush and brilliant events to go to and run and immerse my self in. Is it a crime to want to be payed for something like that?

I would like to be an artist… But there’re too many competition in NY… so, I change my goal & want to be an art teacher, now im applying an art education program for a certification in Maine… hopefully, they will accept me, & i can ear my cert & start my career ASAP!!!

This is a goal that I’ve needed to add for a while. Unfortunately, I don’t think I can make any changes in career until I get my fiancial situation taken care of. I’m kinda stuck right now, but at least I can brainstorm on here until I figure it out…

I took this personal inventory on Monster.com last night called “Discover what you were born to do”. Unlike the tests that take 40 minutes and end up telling you that you are like the color blue or an extrovert sensory personality, this one actually made sense. The inventory asked a variety of questions that covered several different areas of interest. At the end, the inventory asks you to identify a common theme in your answers. My theme was my interest in people and caring for them. I love human interaction, whether it’s talking, counseling, taking care of them or just providing companionship – I love people!

While it’s something I’ve known about myself for a while, it was the first time that I thought about what this passion had to do with my career choice. I have been pursuing medicine as my career choice for a long time, but I realized that caring for people on a clinical level is not where my heart is. I want to CARE for them, emotionally. I want to connect with them in love. I want my God given capacity to love to be poured and refilled amongst others.

So, while I don’t have any definite answers yet, at least I’ve narrowed down my options to a specific area. It’s actually quite a relief.

I thought I wanted to be a professor- it’s been my goal for years. Then I go on Semester at Sea and completely lose my perspective. So now I’m getting my masters just in case I decide to be a professor again…but I don’t know if I will. Where am I going with my life?

Because I’m really not sure.

now that i am all grown-up