fall in love with someone who will love me back

Run down on the two guys I have posted in previous entries: The guy that I liked a few years back ended up marrying someone else and the guy that I was falling for again made me realise all the reasons I had broken up with him in the first place.

I like someone now, but way too shy to tell him I like him – I’m pretty sure he knows I do though, and that it could just be a huge ego boost for him. Which fucking sucks.

New year though, onto new things… Here’s hoping

just found out my ex is seeing someone else.
i felt like i was over it. why do i care so much.
im starting to think about him all over again. i hate being alone while he is with someone. it seems like all men are unavailable. hate feeling like this

I want someone who will love me forever. Not for a year. Not for 25 years. Until death do us part.

I believe I have fallen in love with someone who says he is through with relationships. He is kind and gentle and says the only relationship he is concerned about is with God. That is not a problem for me, Christ is first in my life also. We see each other almost everyday, go figure…we are neighbors. We have gotten behind the first stages of getting to know one another and we snuggle and watch TV together often. One night while we were laying on the floor cuddling he asked to kiss me, just a simple kiss…(no tongues). There have been more kisses, he knows I like being kissed on the neck so he does that a lot. He told me once that I would be easy to love. I said someday you will fall in love with me and he practically yelled no in my ear, I went home in tears. He still says he will never be with a woman again so I told him he needed to stop sending me mixed signals and he said why do we have to be serious, can’t we just enjoy our time together. I feel stuck, the same routine all the time but I do love spending time with him. Sometimes I feel like he is baiting me with pushing me away or really just not letting things get serious because he knows a woman wants what she can’t have. Someone PLEASE give me some insight as to what may be going on in his mind. You think I would have a clue, but I have been out of the dating scene for nearly ten years. As childish as this may sound, he is 51 and I am 47. Again, go figure.

arhhhhhhhhhhhhh
why am i always thinking about this?? why why why?
im sick of it.
my last relationship was a year and a half ago and it was with someone from overseas.
i have never really had a boyfriend at home before, so i wonder if guys are the same here as they are overseas.
i freak out thinking that although i am born here i dont fit in here. but when i go there i dont seem to fit in there either. ! arhh
im worried if a guy really got to know me he would soon become bored.

i now feel inexperienced also and i worry this will effect future relationships as a guy wont want to be with someone who doesnt even know what they are doing. in other words sometimes i feel like i should have let myself go more in the past so that when i really do met that person i dont stuff it up

why do i go out and the person i actually like…. i dont go for?> why do i kiss his friend instead?

thinking it will make him want me more when really he prob just thinks im a slut,

and now i have really ruined my chances.

why cant i just find one person who actually likes me? one person who might attempt to try to love me.

and now i will never see him again anyway

i question if this will ever happen. all guys seem to want these days is just up in the air relationships and if there is a good guy around, he is usually with the sweetest girl that i could never be.

the reconnected friendship thing made me believe if you meant to be friends with someone, you will be friends with some one anyway..no matter where your friends are..

it turned out the same thing..if i meant to be with someone who will share the rest of my life with, i will meet him anyway..no matter where he is, no matter when that will happen..i believe we’ll meet each other anyway..

hey, you..i’ve been waiting for you..can you hear me?

ive always loved this person and could see myself falling in love with them if i allowed myself to. truth is this person will never love me

ever noticed how the words I love you seem to mean so little to so many?..Is it so important to get sex that it requires lying and breaking others hearts?..
why is it a date is considered instant sex these days ? I’m not bitter, actually disappointed . I believed in love romance and happily ever after but guess I’m wrong , no one wants that.
so here I am… without feelings I can not nor will not cheapen myself to as they say casual sex call me old fashioned was just the way I was raised morals , values self respect ..I can not give those up