be a better husband

I’m a man, but I can change. If I have to. I guess.

This morning while I was studying my Word I was over come with the feelings of guilt and dishonesty. I’m already on the cold side of the bed with my wife. I’ve tried to hold a secret of a credit card that I wanted to have for myself and pay off. I got it during the holidays (Xmas) last year because I couldn’t have my wife going another year without a gift. I told her about it and she said that I should cancel it because we were trying to be debt free. I kept it because I wanted to prove to myself that I could handle it. Well working 2 part time jobs because I couldn’t find a full time job didn’t help. I’ve since cancelled it but now I have a bill. She’s been upset and tired of hearing “i’m sorry” with regard to our finances. I’ve lied to her. I feel like our marriage is over. I feel like my back is against the wall. We haven’t made love in over a month. It may be longer now. I’m trying to move in the right direction and be more communicative with her about our finances. Again the Word convicts me. “What a man desires is unfailing love; better to be poor than a liar.” Prov 19:22

OK SO i need someone to listen, my wife and i have been together for 13 years and we have 3 great daughters, monday she told me that wanted to go see her therapist, now a quick background is that we have come close to calling in quits and we did go to therapy together. This last week we had no kids and everything was great, something snapped and she tells me that she is unhappy and is not sure she loves me. I am stunned, i asked why now why not talk about it earlier and she says that she wanted to just push it aside.

Well as you can guess i am in a seriously hurting, my heart hurts and i am lost.

This happen to anybody else?

Sad Rocky

I am constantly grateful for all the things my wife does but I find it hard to tell her so. She tries to make me happy all the time but I constantly focus on the here and now instead of holding an optimistic long term perspective. I was pushing her away without realizing it. I am focusing on better communication now where I am showing my appreciation more and activly listening. this is my starting point!

...we’ve been doing pretty good lately. I’m thinking of removing this goal soon doing something more specific.

For all of you guys (and I mean males not the neutral gender word) who are making a commitment to being a better husband, I really hope for the best for you and know if you stay committed, you will achieve that needed and wonderful relationship with your wife. But I want to warn you that there is a line drawn in every marriage that if the husband crosses that line, you will not be able to go back. How do I know this is true? You got it, I have crossed the line and now approaching 45 years of marriage, my wife and I are so far apart. I have never beat her, have not been unfaithful, no drugs or alcohol but I just have not listened to her, verbally abused her, have not included her in my life and these caused me to cross the line. I long for a close relationship, not meaning only sexual, just close but I will go to my grave never to experience those special moments again. I have apologize so many times and asked for forgiveness but the response is silence. My wife is a controlling kind of person and an ultra perfectionist. This is not said to be critical but simply a fact. My wife is still young enough, very pretty, healthy, likes to have fun (but not with me), that I often wish she could have another chance with a man who would treat her properly. If she found such a man, I would not stand in the way. As far as me, if that would happen, I would remain alone till I die. It would be a crime for me to marry again.

I need to: express my appreciation more often, be more involved in financial matters, be more proactive about household stuff, be more affectionate.

it’s true, i suck and i let people walk all over me, my wife included. i love her more than anything in the world and she pretty much saved my life (i spent years as a non functioning alcoholic). we just fight all the time about stupid shit, mostly money, which i really don’t care about. i do all the housework, laundry, cooking, i write her love notes still, surprise her every now and then with a massage and usually have nothing but nice things to say about her to other people. in return i get absolutely nothing. so the problem is…i suck.

is generous to a fault, if such a thing is possible? Not sure. But if so, she is.

is loved by children instantly. (You have to see this happen to believe it, and it happens all the time. 3 or 4 year olds see her smile radiantly at them, in a shopping mall, for instance, and they stop walking, stare, and smile in return. Their parents often smile too, with embarrassment. They say ‘She’s never done that before.’

is potentially a great poet. I shouldn’t say too much about this, but she was published for the first time in a good poetry journal at age 16. She has many other publications, but they have not been collected. She threw away her MFA manuscript a few weeks after graduation after some bad experiences at the university (luckily, I’ve hidden away my copy).

has written three great romance novels. The third is just being polished up now. I’ve no idea why publishers haven’t snapped up the first two yet. It speaks badly for their genre and industry.

is loyal, charming, an optimist, kind-hearted, brilliant, fun-loving.

had a really hard childhood, you’d hardly believe it, but I’d better not say more about this either.

has such a genuine sweetness about her, it often takes her work colleagues a few weeks to understand that she is completely for real. And then they can’t get enough of her.

amazingly, continues to put up with me! Thank God.

I knew she was too good for me. Luckily, she doesn’t seem to mind yet.