make decisions based out love and trust, not fear.

of feelings going on right now…I am currently stuck in a pseudo relationship that I have helped engineer and construct out of sheer romanticism. I haven’t been in this position in over 10 years but yet I see myself dangerously close to repeating the pattern and I dont want to continue if it means doing so out of fear rather than love. I am so pissed off right now, feeling like I have, yet again, given up SO much of me to try and please someone else and where is my sense of discrimintion? Where’s the “me” factor? Where do my needs come in to play and most importantly, why do I continue to let all of that fall by the wayside? Here’s to finding the strength to find the love in this situation that can return me to my usualy happy state.

oh boy, it’s been a while since I have been on here, although I have been very goal centered to be honest. I am faced with making several decisions as of late and have been trying desperately to keep this goal at the top of my consciousness. TRUST is not exaclty a strong suit for me…not that I dont trust others, I just prefer to take care of things myself b/c I know if I do things will be done…and done right. So, I have to let go of that mentality and start trusting the process as a whole. Trusting myself, my decisions, my intentions…and not let fear of the unknown take hold. Cheer me on…I NEED IT!

really focusing on this goal as of late, now that I am involved with someone…it has been very difficult, as we have “a past” but 7 years is a long time to grow and things have been lovely. Now to trust the process of giving up my feelings, which is always a big struggle for me. Gotta give though, otherwise there is no gain! Wish me luck!

I really don’t know how to do this very well…doesn’t help that I “think too much” either. The best I can do at this very moment is to take that few seconds to ask “is this out of love or fear” before acting…that much I can do.

I have told myself many times that I would not allow fear to run my shit and today I’ve decided to take a stand and confront the person who has hurt me yet again…I know this will end our relationship and I am pretty sure that’s what I want (the pretty sure is the fear part) and I know I need to do this. This is the decision out of love of self…gotta do it.

but am gearing up for thinking a bit more this time around…ran into a past “friend” while in NC and because I teach forgiveness to my students on a regular basis, I thought I should try and live it here. I opened myself up just a bit more than I had hoped (living authentically NOT always the best for me) and I think I may have made some not so love driven decisions…here’s to better to come!

I made a decision last night that I was not quite sure where the motivation came from but it turns out it was absolutely the right decision and I am glad to have trusted myself with it. Funny how perspecitve changes things at times (most times)!I was able to reach the goal of sharing one personal honest thing AND make a choice out of love/trust all in one! I’m so greatful to have empowered myself!

I did this last night, consciously asked myself whether or not I was making choices from an authentic place and I left the evening feeling very comfortable and proud with securities in tact! It’s amazing how my stature has changed with my new found embracing of self~I’m enjoying myself in my skin and its long overdue. Yay for good choices!