become less dependent

“Something I’ve found about homesickness, or about missing people in general: it never really gets easier. Logically, one should build up a hardy tolerance against this sort of thing, shouldn’t one, especially when the goodbyes are always between the same people? But somehow it doesn’t work like that.” – Holly Burns

Less dependent on what? On other people, on guidance, on feelings, on work, technology, clothes that make me feel good? All of them? Who knows. All I am sure of is that I will never allow myself to be useless.

GC

Maybe the reason that I want to be less dependent is because then I can’t get hurt. It’s common sense, but it’s also very logical. Trust can only go so far before the holes start to appear.

Routines, systems, and my own opinion. Key to being less dependent, at least I think. It occurred to me just now that I always ask everyone else, “What works best? What do you suggest? Give me some tips on…” and then I get frustrated when I start to find their advice letting me down. Really learn what works for you, and do things the way you want to do them.

Guess who drove their little green Gretta the Grand Am to work this morning?...ME! Do you know what that means? It means that the stupid battery had to have gotten changed. Yep, and who changed it? Me (with the assistance of my dad via phone while he was at work.) I’m so proud of me :-P I even bought a ‘socket kit’. That is easily my favorite tool.

The battery in my car has been dead for about a week now. I would have fixed it myself had I known how. Then I thought, “Why don’t I know how to fix this? I should know how to. There won’t always be someone here to help me.” So today I went out and purchased a battery charger (with my own money). Now I just have to figure out how to set it up without getting electrocuted.

I also had this chit-chat with my mom last night about how I call her just to visit, but my sister only calls when she needs something. She said, “You don’t care about the best things in life, or having expensive wine. You value people more than money. You call for advice, not help. I just want you to know that I’m proud of you.”

The thing that stood out most was, “You call for advice, not help.” I would rather someone tell me the best thing to do, and then I go and take action. I don’t want someone else to live my life for me. I hate feeling helpless.

Three days like hell. Simply hell. Because of the snow, I coudn’t see anyone, in particular my boyfriend. And I was so dependent I cried for three days, continuatively. Didn’t sleep. Didn’t eat. Then, click. All gone. All the fear, the troubles, the pain in my head, all I’ve been, simply. All gone.
And I feel free. And, yes, he feels free too :D