Funk and blues come and go, but happily the funk I was in when this goal was created is over, so it can now be relegated to the list of things I have done. 4 years ago

I know much of it is related to Project X and recent developments with the client. I know I shouldn’t let it get to me. But I do. I know I shouldn’t let the ooze contaminate other areas of my life. But I have done. 6 years ago

“By asking for the impossible, we obtain the best possible.”
- Italian saying

Another 43T side quote.

I’ve got to remember this and not feel greedy in the asking! 6 years ago

Still needing to exhale. Actually, what I would really like to do is get out from under this cloud that I am now wearing like an overcoat. This island is too hot for overcoats. Even in November. 6 years ago

Needing to exhale… 6 years ago

I’ve been teetering on the edge of a bad day today. For no apparent reason. Funny thing is, the day has ended and it really wasn’t a bad one. Had a couple really good moments even: my ballet class was perfect, even if I wasn’t; I visited with my cousin and his family who are out on holiday and whom I’ve not seen for almost a year; and made another signifiant dent in project X.

But here I am, getting ready for bed, with my vague disatification with life thinking this could shape up to be a bad day. Bizarre! I am going to put this one down to excessive mental fatigue. 6 years ago

Anger is not worth the price you pay for it. Transform it instead into positive resolve.

Despair will only keep you stuck where you are. Choose to exchange it for a good dose of inspiration.

Arrogance will cut you off from the world. Cast it away and replace it with generosity and enthusiasm.

Impatience only brings you mistakes and frustration. Let it go and let peaceful purpose take its place.

For every burden of your own creation, there is an alternative that will lift you up. When you feel yourself being dragged down by the attitude you have chosen, let that be a reminder to choose a more positive approach.

You are in control of the way you look at life. And the way you look at life surely and inevitably determines the way your life will be.

—Ralph Marston

All stuff one knows, but always useful to say words like these out loud every once in a while – especially when you are still in the river, and not on the bank, as you would like.

I have no idea who this Ralph Marston fellow is; a friend of mine keeps sending me his inspirational words, which he in turn gets from another friend of his. Thanks E, and by extension the unknown (to me) O.! 6 years ago

balled up bundle of negative energy. Work-related stress, excessive fatigue, disappointment layered on earlier disappointment, disgust with myself for not being more focussed, efficient and bouncy, trouncy, fun, fun, fun! 6 years ago

my ‘hell month’ is over! Like the mother in the song When Doves Cry by the artist once again known as Prince, I am never satisfed. Ever.

“Until you make peace with who you are, you’ll never be content with what you have.”
- Doris Mortman 6 years ago

“Change your thoughts and you change your world.”
- Norman Vincent Peale 6 years ago

it all seems so clear, when it all seems so simple.

The things I need to do aren’t mysteries of the universe; they aren’t complicated and elaborate quests for the Holy Grail. But the chasm between knowing what you have to do and actually doing it can be great and it sometimes feels as elusive an enterprise as finding the Holy Grail.

“Break it down into manageable steps.” “Identify your obstacles.” I know I have to do these things, but the process can hurt. Does hurt. Stripping yourself bare and removing all the life crutches require a level of honesty with self that isn’t always easy. Taking away the crutches means opening yourself up to risk. Risk of success, risk of failure. I cannnot contemplate the latter. And therein lies part of my problem. But by holding back in this way, I have suspended myself in a vat of discontent and disatisfaction that manifests itself in a blues-singing funk, whose melody is about as appealing as fingernails on a blackboard. 6 years ago

it is best to dive and swim to the bank yourself before someone drops a large stone on your chest in an attempt to hoosh you there.”
Eeyore/A. A. Milne

I can see the bank, I know the strokes, but… 6 years ago

exhale. 6 years ago

...the sinking feeling and low-grade anxiety that grips me most mornings these days, I might just be okay. Well, ‘okay’ might be overstating it, so I would settle for ‘better off’. 6 years ago

..whence it came, that July was going to be month of resolution for me. But it hasn’t turned out that way. 6 years ago

where PMS ends and where the funk induced by deep disatisfaction about my life, marriage and living situation begins.

Sometimes what I need to do seems so clear, but at others I don’t know where to begin and it feels like I am in a pit that I can’t climb out of. And unfortunately, it is the pit-y feeling that is winning out these days. Am trying to keep myself physically active as that helps tremendously, but there are 101 things I should be doing in other areas of my life that I am not dealing with. This is of course guilt-inducing and only makes a bad situation, well, yes, worse. I don’t want to succumb to the paralysis and if I am brutally honest with myself, the paralysis is a crutch for avoiding some of the things I need to do. “I couldn’t possibly focus on X or Y because I feel like excrement and I need to relax/get my head together/sleep/try to calm down/whatever.” I am having trouble concentrating on cerebral tasks but am also not pushing myself like I need to and I know to get out of this funk, I am going to have to push myself.

I feel like I need a good cathartic cry, but I can’t seem to muster one up. 6 years ago

Happiness is not a station you arrive at, but a manner of traveling.”
- Margaret Lee Runback 6 years ago

Of late have been waking up to a feeling of anxiety, the knot in the depths of your stomach variety. It passes before long, but surely there are better ways to start the day? Have to deal with a number of issues in my life like:
1. resolve outstanding issues with husband
2. finish voulunteer job with X and get it out of my way and out of my life
3. be more proactive in getting contracts in, otherwise this freelance incarnation will not work and I’ll be forced to get a job in somebody’s office and deal with office BS again and have a commute, except this time instead of doing battle with armpits on a crowded underground mass transit system, I’ll be doing battle on crowded city roads with crazed motorists and cyclists and motor cyclists with an overdeveloped, and entirely misplaced, sense of invincibility. 6 years ago

Have to find an escape route; need to locate the emergency exit. Basta ya! Need to find a way to not let others control my emotions. Need to step away from my marriage before I really begin hating my husband! 6 years ago

If it were morning I would probably stay in bed with the duvet over my head. But it is not and I am gripped with such anxiety, panic and fear that all I can do is try to remember to breathe. Not particularly helpful for fininshing my work project. It wouldn’t be so sad if I weren’t self-employed. You would think the fact that ‘no work = no pay’ would be sufficient to motivate. You would be forgiven for thinking that, really. I used to think that; until I found this new place, somewhere between Stasis and Paralysis. Funny how it all comes pouring out of the pail when the balance gets tipped. Need to transition to a better place.

Am hoping the act of putting this down will send the demons away, or at least to sleep long enough for me to complete the task at hand. 6 years ago

When do you say, “Halt!”
to things that leave you disatisfied?
When do you say, “No more!”
to a slipping down life?
When do you say “Okay is not enough, I want amazing!”
When do you stop spinning
your wheels in the mire?
When do you pick up
and run for your life
to save yourself from you?

But most importantly,
how you get from
here to there?

I’ve been in a funk
for what seems like forever
and try as I might
I can’t shake the gloom.
The gloom is more like
a permanent gloaming,
never quite giving way
to more or to less.

No, that is not entirely true,
the darkness is slowly getting
heavier and heavier,
squarely cementing me in a negative place
with no obvious possibility
of ever emerging.

The worst is the anxiety
that grips me on waking,
especially after a night
of pleasant dreaming.
I rarely remember
the subject or the content,
but awake with a feeling of
having had a good time.
And just as I think,
“Ah, I may just have emerged
from the other side,”
it all comes rushing back.
The churning stomach, the paralysis
that keeps me from doing
what I ought to do,
the raging self doubt
that is fighting the good fight
to become a prophecy fulfilled.

It all comes rushing back,
unbidden,
but disturbingly comfortable
like a second skin. 6 years ago