I found my inspiration. I mean music has always been inside me, but I never felt TRULY inspired.

Recently I lost a very valuable person in my life. I have quite a history with this person. Thanks to the wonderful world of Crystal Meth, they’ve faded away into a realm i wouldn’t follow, let alone can.

I feel lost, angry, hurt, alone, helpless … let’s just say that I FEEL !!

All this feeling is bottled to the top of a bottle that was full long ago. I find that letting this person go, as hard as it will ever be, is the best thing for me. You know I think this is the first time I’ve ever said it.

But if I’m to let them go, I have to let all the history go too. There’s my inspiration.

I don’t ever want someone else to end up on the path I’ve taken. But life isn’t that kind. So I want to help. I want those people that will travel the same path to know they aren’t alone. To show them it’s okay to let go sometimes and that as unlikely as it seems. That is truly the sign of love.

Healing IS possible, but only when you’re ready to let go and HEAL!

I’ll keep you posted for the CD. I think it’s the best idea for me and anyone who ever will go through what I went through.

To end on a positive note …. It WAS worth it, and I’m sorry it has to end. I will love this person forever even if that means going it alone for truly and deeply Love is eternal, just like music.

Always! ; P 18 months ago

Music has always been an important part of my life. I’ve been singing since I was a child. It wasn’t really something I wanted to pursue, more something that brought me peace.

I found myself in the position when choosing a college to be given the chance to make it a dream and my ambition.

Here’s the catch… So at 18 I went off to college. Majoring in Voice / Vocal performance. I guess I was good. Or to myself, good enough.

I went through all the steps of the program and then … Nothing.

I never followed through.

I still sing now. God Bless the Karaoke Bar. LOL. But at 37 … all I hear are the voices of every person who ever told me to do something with my gift. I feel regret. The funny thing is … I’ve never wanted to sing for others. It’s always been for me, but in being heard others are touched by my talent. And I find myself now wishing I had the chance to share my feelings with others. To share my joy, sorrow, happiness and tears.

You see I’ve always felt that when I sing … It’s therapy. It’s my feelings and I’ve always felt that I can convey that and connect on that level with others. I think that’s what makes singers great. To reveal to another your own heart and connect with theirs.

So what to do with it. I’ve been wanting to put a CD together for the longest time. I write poetry. Shame I can’t write music. But I’m in a hole. My heart has so much in it right now. And I miss my therapy. It’s time to let it all go, but I don’t want to ever forget it.

So I’m starting to find ways of putting my heart out there. Online Karaoke and such, but it’s still not enough for me. I feel like I’m lacking what I truly want. To put my feeling in an organized form.

So I’m reaching out to songwriters looking for a singer. Musicians looking for poetry to transpose to music.

Making the CD will be easy. It’s now a choice of what I truly want to share and why.

I make this my challege for my birthday this year. To at least have myself closer to this goal than ever. I don’t want to miss out. I don’t want to hurt. And I want to reconnect.

Wish me luck. 19 months ago