i don’t like going to church these days. i’ve been a few times recently but every time it’s just so painful. and i’m finding it hard to get over the lack of care i experienced over the winter when i was really depressed. maybe i’ll start looking for another place. 15 months ago
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and i ended up sitting next to two people i didn’t know. before the service i talked to one of them for a couple of minutes and she said how she thought it was a wonderful church. i kept shtum, but wanted to tell her how i felt that going through depression recently i didn’t feel supported at all.
the lady on my other side turned out to be a nurse who works at the same hospital as me. i felt really trapped after the service when, sitting in the middle of a row with people chatting either side of us so i couldn’t move without disturbing them, she started to quiz me about work and was complaining about the threat of redundancies. i nearly burst into tears. anything work related is such a sore spot at the moment. she wasn’t to know, but gosh it hurt! sometimes i really hate church! 16 months ago
but my friend asked me to go to hillsong with her, and i did. i was too tired to go to my church in the evening. next week i will. 17 months ago
it was good and bad. got there just as the service started and sat by the door. the sermon was quite good, but i wish the pastor would do more exposition (taking a passage from the bible and expaining it) rather than picking a topic and finding verses to support it. that way i think it’s easier to put accross your own opinions rather than sticking to what the bible says.
afterwards i managed to stay and have tea. a was there visiting. we used to be quite good friends but these days i feel more intimidated by her success and enthusiasm for life. i’m want to compare myself to her and come out of it feeling bad.
c was there too. it was lovely to see her after such a long time. i realise that more has been going on in her life than i knew. it’s time to stop being so self absorbed and find out how she is doing. i miss her.
c and i were chatting after the service and the pastor came up to me and shook my hand for what felt like an eternity and said he was glad i was back. it made me feel angry, because he acted like he had something to do with it, when in reality, he and his wife didn’t even attempt to contact me once. i feel conflicted, like maybe i shouldn’t be in a church where i don’t respect the pastor. but there are some really loving, caring people in the church too. something to pray about, i guess. 17 months ago
it was great. easier because it is smaller. the people in my group are so lovely and encouraging. 17 months ago
I haven’t been to church in a very long time. I AM going tomorrow night. Barring an emergency I am going to go. Even with this knot in my stomach. 3 years ago
my resolution for this year is to meet new people, good people. its hard around here to find someone worth knowing, and me and my bf dont have any ‘couple friends’ to hang with. but really i miss having a community as much as anything. bad thing is – i live next door to a very popular church!!! so wrong! bad me! lol cant say its too early cuz they dont start til 10:00! cant go 2morrow cuz of a family thing but will next week for sure! 3 years ago