find him

So I have finally found the guy of my dreams, he is really everything I have ever wanted in a man. He really understands me and makes me laugh. We are planning on getting married hopefully next september

false alarm.

we found each other. and we talked for 3 hours! about everything and anything. haha we watched the superbowl, well not with each other but through the computer you know hahha.

so anyways he called me beautiful and that i am amazing and yea stuff like that. but he was like i was planning on telling you you were beautiful when we hung out.. ahha.
it was such an amazing convo haha i cant even handle it lol.

so this is like partically complete. he said he would text me or call me for sure! and he wanted to hang out next weekend and stuff. so i really hope that this all works outs and then i cn say that i actually did find him!

when i fin da guy that i’m gonna b with 4ever, i rlly wnt him to luv me 4 me n my personality, like, b my best friend and bf all in one, he’ll also hav 2 b funny, I adore comedy, it’s awesome!!! lol!

alright so he did it and contacted me. i was so happy! we havent talked yet tho. everything is just so hard. with him going to school full time and then working. but still the good news is that he added me! so i left him a note saying that i finally got my phone fixed, but i dont know if he will get it if he has a mac or an older version of msn.
but i just cant stop thinking about him. like things were just different. something felt different about him.
this is all so difficult but, i wanna say it feels so real for me, but then im not sure what he is feeling. so i could be freaking out and into him way more than he is into me.

like honestly, taylor swift – love story, describes what happened between us PERFECTLY! its scary.. and yes i know lame lol. well except for the ending where they get married lol.
but how we met, he walked through the crowd and just didnt take his eyes off of me and came over and said hi, haha and i was just standing there.
there was an event going on so there was lights and music. and how we kept sneeking around just to hang out with each other. then when we went our ways, and i kept waiting for him to contact me, and i was thinking about everything and how this is all so difficult but it feels so different and amazing. then i finally got tired of waiting and wondering if he was even going to contact me, my faith in him practically died. and then the next day he added me.

but am i feeling different from what he is feeling? i dunno. hes a guy for one thing. so he cant be feeling it as much as me ahha.

so heres the song that is getting me through this right now lol! :

taylor swift – love story

We were both young when I first saw you.
I close my eyes and the flashback starts:
I’m standing there on a balcony in summer air.

See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns.
See you make your way through the crowd
and say hello;

Little did I know
That you were Romeo; you were throwing pebbles,
And my daddy said, “Stay away from Juliet.”
And I was crying on the staircase,
begging you, ‘Please, don’t go.’”

And I said,
“Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone.
I’ll be waiting; all there’s left to do is run.
You’ll be the prince and I’ll be the princess
It’s a love story – baby just say ‘Yes.’”

So I sneak out to the garden to see you.
We keep quiet ‘cause we’re dead if they knew.
So close your eyes; escape this town for a little while.
‘Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter,
And my daddy said “Stay away from Juliet,”
But you were everything to me; I was begging you, ‘Please, don’t go,’”

And I said,
“Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone.
I’ll be waiting; all there’s left to do is run.
You’ll be the prince and I’ll be the princess
It’s a love story – baby just say ‘Yes.’

Romeo save me – they’re tryin’ to tell me how to feel;
This love is difficult, but it’s real.
Don’t be afraid; we’ll make it out of this mess.
It’s a love story – baby just say “Yes.’”

Oh.

I got tired of waiting,
Wondering if you were ever comin’ around.
My faith in you was fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town,

And I said,
“Romeo save me – I’ve been feeling so alone.
I keep waiting for you but you never come.
Is this in thy head? I don’t know what to think-”

He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said,
“Marry me, Juliet – you’ll never have to be alone.
I love you and that’s all I really know.
I talked to your dad – go pick out a white dress;
It’s a love story – baby just say ‘Yes.’”

Oh, oh.

We were both young when I first saw you…

this feels horrible. its been a few days now since i last seen him and i still havent heard anything from him. im so dissapointed and hurt because that night felt so different and he was so different! but i guess that i was wrong about him and everything else i thought would happen.
i dont want to give up yet because of what he told me when i gave him my info .. but then i just think that if he was really that interested then wouldnt he of done that as soon as he could? but then i think .. what if he is trying and he just cant. lol i sound so despret i know haha .. but still i felt something different with him. but maybe i just had bad judgment with him..?
i just wish that everything will work out and i hope it will happen .. but then there is a little part of me saying that he wont call me he forgot, and that he doesnt feel the same way, and that i was stupid to even feel this way so fast about him.

so on saturday i was helping out working for security for Iroquois MMA Championships. and i was working the front desk doing the tickets and what not. and i looked up and saw this guy walking towards me and we kept looking at each other, and then he came over to me and asked me if i was staying til the end to help clean up after. so we had like a little small talk and then he left and after his cousin came up to me and was saying he was asking about me and wanted to know if i was single and he was interested! so then after i was picking up garbage and looking horrible and then out of no where he comes out and helps me! and we just start talking and everything is feeling right and i feel totally at ease and comfortable with him. and everything is going perfectly. so we hang out and just talk about anything and everything for like 3 hours and we’re helping each other work and getting things done, we were laughing and joking around. we flirted constantly and made eye contanct the whole time. then i had to go and he asked for my number but i lost my phone then so i gave him my number anyways and i gave him my msn! so he said that he doesnt really go on the computer, but then he said he would add me as soon as he could get to a computer. so then he hugged me bye and we parted still making eye contact. and im streesing out because of everything lol. i keep running back my mind thinking of anything that could of turned him off! and im just driving myself crazy thinking about him and if he will get a hold of me. and i have no way of letting him know that i have a phone now.. and im just going crazy getting my hopes up but then then thinking that he might not add me or call me.
when i first met him he was different from everyone else that i have ever met. i really cant describe it he was just different and i got this calm vibe from him. like i actually believe he will contact me. but then there is that little voice saying no he wont.. because i have be hurt before. which sucks because i actually feel hes different. i just cant find him now!! lol. it was just one of those times where when you first meet someone.. you just know.
that night was amazing i cant even fully describe it. but im thinking i will never see him again. well actually yes i will ahha. ill see him in march at the next fight. i just dont wanna wait that long! but then if he doesnt contact me .. my friends say hes not worth it .. and yes i truly believe that. just i felt he was different.
aahh i dont know!!! i need more guidance lol

I sometimes feel silly thinking about this so much, especially since I’m only 19 years old. I’ve always dreamt of finding the one for me. Personal experiences have caused me to be terrified of the opposite sex though, making it difficult to meet new people. I believe though, the day that I do meet him, he is the one who won’t fill my soul with fear.

I am tired of trying to find a boyfriend who doesn’t like me anywhere near the amount I like him. I am going to stop trying to make a guy like me and just wait til I find the one guy that will like me, just for being me.

Now the hard part is in finding him. I’ve dreamt of him several times, but his face is always in shadow. It’s strange, because the dream is about a gathering of people. And I always knew it was someone I was romantic with, so I knew I was dating the guy. I’m half-psychic; I already have seen him within my visions and I know he has to exist. I know a lot about him, and I never met him:

-He speaks another language.
-He has black hair. Long, near chin-length and is able to be pulled back.
-He’s foreign, but raised in America.

He could be any human being, but I know when I see him I will be able to say that I found him. I’ve had visions, dreams, memories of him. Strange as it seems, I will find him. I have to.