raise a happy, healthy, loving daughter

One 20 and one 15, the boy 18. We try to listen to each other and talk things out. I trust them to make the right decisions for themselves. They have strong morals and are not easily influenced by their friends. Both my husband and I tell them on a daily basis that we love them – even if we’ve argued over something. We aim to guide and encourage – and our methods are working. I am very proud of my children.

My daugher is 14 years old. I am divorced and her biological father lives in another state. He loves my daughter but he hasn’t ever been the disciplinary figure. He has always talked to my daughter, whereas with me, I have to be the one to set boundaries for her and punish her for her wrong doings. She and I haven’t always seen eye to eye on situations. She has gotten to where she yells at me and feels as if I don’t love her. I love her with my whole heart. I am just trying to raise her right and teach her right from wrong. For example: she wants to be friends with 2-3 girls at her school who have poor reputations, for instance, they are 15 years old and already sexually active. I stress to my daughter that I don’t want her hanging around these girls because I don’t want her to be influenced by them. My daughter tells me that this is wrong of me to pick her friends for her. How do I know when I’m being too over protective, or am I making the right decision. Please give me your advice.

So far it is going well

I am a single mother myself. I have a beautiful daughter. Regardless of all the things I do for her I still feel I’m cheating her since there is no father in the pic. The father wants to be apart of her life, but is abusive to me in front of her. I can’t let that go on. I don’t want her to think that is how she is to be treated. That being said…. If I have problems being happy healthy and confident and all of that…. how can I raise a daughter that has those qualities. I don’t have much, everything I do have I give to my daughter. For my 25th birthday I bought her new shoes…LOL… Does anyone have any insite on this topic. I need help. I don’t know what to do and I feel frustrated so much.

Tonight I found a little black box on my dresser with the following note attached:

Dear Mommy, I just wanted to let you know how great of a mom you have been to me. You care for me when I’m sick, you feed me delicious food, and most of all, you love me. I don’t always remember that when I get in trouble, it’s for a reason. I just forget what a great mom you are and how much you love me. Sometimes I feel like I don’t tell you I love you enough…well I do and always will. Love, Emelemadingdong

Inside the litte box was a bling-bling necklace she bought at Wal-Mart with her own money. It’s so beautiful. I remember the night she was buying it. I didn’t know what she was doing, but she insisted that we go on towards the car without her when we were done grocery shopping a couple of weeks ago.

::sniff:: God, I love my kid!

More worth doing than you can possibly imagine.

Even if she seems to be starting the “terrible twos” early! She’s 16 months old now, and her favorite words are “no!” and “mine!” This is adorable, if frustrating. Of course, I can’t let her see either of those emotions! But then she says “Mommy” and puts her head down down so trustingly on my shoulder….

My daughter has always been the pride and joy of my life.

Alright. So my daughter’s cleaning out her bedroom before our Christmas guests arrive, and she makes several trips to the trash can. No big shocker there. But when I went to the trash myself to throw something away, I notice a paper with a poem on it sitting right on top. Since I’m the kind of mom who saves everything, I decide to rescue it. On the paper were the following poems:

Feelings

Depressed is what I feel, lonely is what I feel,
Hated and unliked is what I feel,
I should have known, I was alone.
I never feel like I am home.
I feel so…misunderstood.

Tears

Tears is all I see today,
Tears is all I hear today,
Tears is all I feel today,
Tears is all I smell today,
Tears is all I cry today.

I keep telling myself I’m not going to freak out about this. This is exactly how I used to be, and I think I turned out O.K. I keep thinking, does my kid act depressed, and I’m oblivious? I really don’t think so. We talk about everything! I can’t figure it out. I have been giving her more responsibilities lately, and I probably have been a little critical. She’s always been dramatic, though. She rarely gets punished for anything because she’s a good kid, but when she does, it’s as if her world is crushed.

I’m a poet, too, and when I’m trying to deal with strong emotions, that’s what I do. When I was younger, I used to write some biting, angry stuff. Once I got it down on paper, I felt better & went on. I found not too long ago, that I felt even more liberated when I let go of those poems, too, so I started throwing away the old ones written from sadness and anger. When I no longer needed to revisit that pain by re-reading the poems, I felt free.

I’m hoping that’s what Emily has done. I’m hoping that she was able to express herself in writing, and that it has served its purpose. Now I just have to figure out how to approach it in such a way that she doesn’t think I’ve violated her provacy. I’ll never forget how betrayed I felt when my mom read my poetry journal when I was a teenager and drilled me about some of the statements I had made. I know she was only concerned, but I was really hurt. It was just a creative outlet.

Geez, my kid’s just turning 11 next month and she’s already a brooding adolescent. Damn that Gerard Way!! (I have to admit, had Robert Smith to help me brood.)

With no instructions provided, my husband and I are doing our best! Our daughter is 13 months old now, and is turning into a happy, VERY strong-willed little girl. Let’s hope all turns out well.