Figure Out What I'm Really Good At

i’m still trying to figure out what i’m really good at. School’s almost out, so far i’ve decided that i don’t want to continue skool at Menlo, it’s just not the place for me. So that’s figured out i guess, but softball? do i still want to play it? and i don’t know what i am really good at, i still say i want to be a sports manager, but how do i know that that is the job for me, how do i know if i’m good at it. what if i graduate with that as my major and i find out that i’m really not that good at it? what if i don’t like it? i’m more lost now than i was seven weeks ago when i posted my first entry. I just wish i could figure out what was going on inside of my head.

I’m still trying to figure this one out. What am I good at? that question shouldn’t be as hard as it is. Do I want to go into marketing? What about interior design? I used to want to, but why did i change my mind? Why is it that I can never choose something and stick with it enough to find out what it’s really all about? Sports Management. That’s what I told myself I wanted. LOL I got that from a movie though, is it something I can really see myself doing for the rest of my life? Managing a team? Proabably, why not, that sounds like something I could probably be good at right? I don’t know. Why not though.

My boyfriend just asked me that question and I answered him as honestly as I could, “I don’t know what I’m good at.” I like sports, I’ve always liked sports, I like to be competitive and to work hard and give it my all. But for some reason, there’s a gap in the competitive field. Maybe because it doesn’t seem all that competitive at all, instead it feels a little like favorites are being played. I don’t know, it’s like high school all over again, except I’m on the receding end, that’s a first.
So what am I good at?
I’m still trying to figure that one out. I’ll let you know when I can come up with an answer that doesn’t involve me saying, “I don’t know”

I think that I am understanding myself better and what I am good at and what I would like to be doing. It’s hard though to think about the changes needed to actually be doing some of that – makes me tired to think about it though. I have progressed in some areas though – actually just getting on with it and doing it. The immediate and the urgent have a tendency to overrule the important.

In my job I am being forced through conflict and circumstance to really look at this stuff – to think about myself objectively and make decisions and plans. It’s tough – the toughest time I’ve ever had professionally, but also really good.

I feel like I’ve had some revelations about myself in the last couple of weeks – really tough weeks actually where people have hurt me pretty bad and yet coming out of it I feel stronger and more confident in myself than ever – I’ve got a ways to go and I need to formulate my thoughts more but some clarity is coming. There’s a part of me – a real strength – that I’ve fought against for so long because I felt it detracted from what I wanted to be REALLY good at, I’m beginning to accept it though and see it as a blessing and a help to things like my creativity.

I feel so lost in what I’m doing at the moment. I’ve done what needs to be done for so long that I can’t remember for sure what my gifts and talents really are. I’ve conformed to a box, to a job description, to the expectations of others, that I think I have lost myself a bit – it’s a horrible feeling now that I’ve realised it’s happened. I want to rediscover myself but not in an ethereal way, in a practical, real way that I can live with and walk out and carry with me the wisdom that I’ve gained.