find someone worth spending my life with

I am not sure I can ever love anyone again. I just hurt. Christ those old entries were difficult to read.

he left me.

I framed the first rose he ever gave me the other day. Roses are my favorite flower so on occasion he gives me one as a treat. I am so lucky to have him. He’s my most profound teacher and inspiring confidant. I love him. I never imagined a man could trigger a desire within me to fulfill a traditional female role since my default personality is very independent. He does. I want to bake cookies, have many children by him, wait to see him at the end of each day, and giggle while brushing my teeth with him. We are talking about marriage although running head first into that commitment is not possible right now. There are many things in our young minds that need sorting. I need to grow up, for sure. I keep imagining framing a flower from our wedding ceremony though, a sweet romantic thought. This is the happiest goal I could ever imagine accomplishing in this life.

I do love this man. I will marry him, he just hasn’t figured out yet.

I think I have found someone. . .