show my emotions more

i’ve always had problems expressing how i feel and, luckily, managed to find ways to portray them (i did dancing, do singing/art/play instruments) so didn’t really feel as if emotions were mounting up.
but i’m now in a relationship which is really good but past ones have failed because i was “a closed book”. he’s so sweet and tells me how he feels, what he loves about me… i always freeze and say “thank you”. it’s lame, i think he’s catching on to my lack of emotional open-ness and he’s detaching himself.

i hate it. i really do.

I got broken up with last night because I didn’t show my emotions enough apparently. I don’t see why I should love someone and not be able to show my emotions to them. Why do I always mask them with sarcasm?

I’m definitely going to work on improving my emotions

So, I’m marking this as done because I’ve been a much more open person for the past four or so months. This is an ongoing process, and one that can never be complete – but I have certainly accomplished enough of this to consider it a habit now.

That’s good enough for me.

I often find that I have a hard time really expressing what’s inside of me. I worry that it makes me seem cold or insincere and that maybe I’m not experiencing life as fully as I could be. However, I do think I’m improving on this front.

Although I feel like I’m a compassionate person, I never cry when I watch movies or things like footage of the Hurricane Katrina victims or even watching images of 9-11. Even though I can feel very saddened by these things, there’s an emotional wall that keeps me from outwardly responding and, I think, connecting to the world around me as deeply as I’d like to.

Last weekend, I went to visit my best friend in Phoenix. I made a point of talking to him about a whole bunch of things I’ve never told anyone before. I really opened up to him about aspects of my life that I’ve kept private until now, and (lo and behold) he didn’t stab me.

I still have a tendancy to be a closed book about a lot of things, but I feel like I’m making some progress in this. Those people with whom I share things (including my lovely wife) don’t seem to mind so much, and even appreciate that I’m making this effort.

I have always held my cards close to my chest, and this has frequenly done more harm than good. By learning to share what I’m actually feeling and express myself, I can participate more in living my own life.