say what i feel when i feel it

SO I HAVE THIS FRIEND, HIS NAME IS FEZ. I AM REALLY HAPPY I MET HIM, HE IS ONE OF THE COOLEST PEOPLE I HAVE EVER MET. BUT IM AN IDOIT BECAUSE I THINK I AM FORMING A CRUSH ON HIM. I REALLY DONT WANT TO SCREW UP THIS FRIENDSHIP. UGG, MY LIFE.

well this is because it is what i am thinking and when i think something improtant enough to say or write, its practically shouting in my head, so i figure if i write it the way i think it, it will make sense for me :)

SO I WAS WRONG JAKE IS AN ASS. I BIG ASS. SO HERE IS THE SCOOP, AFTER A MONTH JAKE CALLS TO APOLOGIZE. HE MUMBLED ON FOR 10 OR SO MINS SAYING HOW HE WAS SORRY SAID SOMETHING ABOUT NOT LIKING ME THE WAY I LIKED HIM, NOT WANTING T LEAD ME ON BLAH BLAH BLAH… IT WAS ALL BULL! I A NO EXPERT IN THE WAYS OF MAN BUT, HE ASKED FOR MY NUMBER, HE ASKED ME TO HANG OUT, HE HELD MY HAND, HE KISSED ME, AND APPARANTLY HE NEVER WANTED TO LEAD ME ON??? IS THIS ALL BULLSHIT? HELP ME OUT HERE PEOPLE! BUT ANYWAY, HE HAS A NEW GIRLFRIEND, NOT HIS EX BUT SOME NEW GIRL! AND I WAS (OBVIOUSLY) LIVID. BUT I WAS VERY NICE ON THE PHONE, “ITS OKAY, I UNDERSTAND, WORSE THING HAVE HAPPENED TO ME, BLAH BLAH BLAH” WHATEVER. I WAS WALKING AROUND MY NEIGHBERHOOD SECONDS LATER RANTING ON THE PHONE TO MY BEST FRIEND ABOUT WHAT AN ASSHOLE JAKE IS. THEN, GET THIS!, A COULD OF DAYS LATER I WAS WALKING AROUND A BIRD SANCTUARY IN STONEY BROOK, AND GUESS WHO WAS THERE WITH HIS NEW GIRLFRIEND? IF YOU GUESSED JAKE YOUD BE RIGHT! I JUST WALKED ON BY, BUT HE SAW ME FOR SURE, HE TURNED HIS BACK TO ME AND OCCUPIED HIMSELF WITH HIS CAMERA, WHEN I CAME BACK-NOT LONG AFTER- HE HAD HIGH-TAILED IT OUT OF THERE! IT WAS GREAT! DO YOU KNOW WHY??? BECAUSE I DIDNT CARE! I WASNT UPSET! I DIDNT CRY! HELL I WAS ESTATIC, I HADNT FELT THAT HAPPY IN A LONG TIME, I WAS SO HAPPY THAT I DIDNT CARE,THAT I WASNT EFFECTED, I STARTED SINGING! SINGING PEOPLE! I WAS BELTING OUT TUNES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WOODS, I WAS WITH MY MOM AND BROTHER, THEY WERE AT FIRST SURPIRSED BUT THEN HAPPY FOR ME. MOM WAS PROUD ON HOW I HANDED MY LIFE, SO WAS MY BFF GINA, WE CELEBRATED WITH PIZZA AT WEST MEADOW AND IM GOING TO GO TO COOL BEANZ (WHERE JAKE PLAYS ON TUES) AND I GOING TO HAVE A BLAST! TAKE THAT JAKE! HAHAHA :D
ps:no im not crazy, just happy :D

SOOOO, JAKE KISSED ME, I THOUGHT IT WAS AMAZING, WE HUNG OUT ALOT, BUT IN THE END JAKE HAS DECIDED TO GET BACK TOGETHER WITH HIS EX WHO IS MOVING BACK TO NY, AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT? IM NOT EVEN MAD AT HIM, SURE IT HURT A LITTLE BUT IM NOT MAD. I CAN UNDERSTAND, HE IS NOT OVER HER, HE STILL LIKES HER ALOT, ITS UNDERSTANDABLE. THE ONLY THING THAT DOSE HURT IS THAT I STILL LIKE HIM QUITE A BIT, BUT WHAT CAN YOU DO? ANYWAY APARANTLY HE FELT REALLY BAD ABOUT IT AND I FELT BAD THAT HE FELT BAD SO I TEXTED HIM AND TOLD HIM I WASNT MAD AND THAT I WOULD STILL LIKE TO BE HIS FRIEND IF THAT WASNT TOO WIERD FOR HIM, HE TEXTED BACK YESTERDAY SAYING HE WAS SO SORRY AND THAT AT THE MOMENT HE WAS BUSY BUT WANTED TO CALL AND EXPLAIN SOMETHING TO ME IF THAT WAS OKAY I SAID THAT WAS FINE, LONG STORY SHORT HE HASNT CALLED AND I DONT KNOW IF HE HONESTLY FORGOT, IS SCARED IM GOING TO YELL AT HIM, OR IS JUST AN ASS. I DONT THINK HES AN ASS, HES ACTUALLY A GREAT GUY. I AM A LITTLE AFRAID OF WHAT HE IS GOING TO SAY, I DONT WANT TO CRY ON THE PHONE, THATS MY FEAR; FOR HIM TO HEAR OR SEE ME CRY. IM REALLY NOT MAD AT HIM, ON A SCALE OF MADNESS FROM 1 TO 10 (10 BEING THE HIGHEST) I AM A 1.5 OR MAYBE A 2, I WISH I COULD JUST TELL HIM THAT, BUT I DONT WANT TO FREAK HIM OUT BY CALLING AND SEEMING STALKER-ISH. UGG ISNT LFE COMPLICATED?

ALRIGHT I REALLY LIKE THIS ONE FRIEND OF MINE, JAKE. HES TWO YEARS OLDER THEN ME, SUPER CUTE (ABOUT 6FT, SHORT BROWN HAIR, GREEN EYES, AND I REALLY CUTE GOOFY SMILE!) AND HES THE COOLEST GUY I KNOW. HE PLAYS GUITAR, HES SUPER SMART, HE ACTUALLY READS BOOKS! HES SUPER POLITE, WHEN HE MET MY MOM HE SAID ‘YES MA’AM, THANK YOU MA’AM’ SAME THING WITH MY DAD BUT WITH A SIR NOT MA’AM. BUT I DONT THINK I COULD EVER SAY ‘HEY YOU KNOW WHAT, IM REALLY INTO YOU, LETS GO OUT’ IM NOT THAT KIND OF PERSON. BUT ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY! HOW DO I TELL HIM I LIKE HIM WITHOUT ACTUALLY TELLING HIM I LIKE HIM? SOUNDS PRETTY RIDICULOUS DOSNT IT? WELL IT IS… ARG I HATE NOT BEING ABLE TO JUST COME OUT AND SAY WHAT I MEAN!! :’(

I AM GETTING SO TIRED OF LIFE TODAY…

I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY WE REALLY HAVE TO GROW UP. WHY CANT WE HAVE LITTLE MOMENT WHERE WE CAN BE KIDS AGAIN? I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE MY CHILDHOOD BACK. I THINK WE SHOULD TAKE TIME OUT OF OUR DAY TO BE KIDS, DO A LITTLE DANCE TO OUR FAVORITE SONG, SWING ON THE SWINGS, SLIDE DOWN THE SLIDE, RUN AROUND THE RAIN, SPLASH IN A PUDDLE, EAT COOKIE DOUGH… WHY NOT???

I AM SICK OF BEING IGNORED, HEY PEOPLE I EXIST!!