Do things because i want to

I have a bunch of goals I’d like to achieve somewhat in the short-term, but I have so many random long-termish goals on my list from the initial days when I joined 43things that I have no room to add the short-term ones. Oops! So today I’m going to clean some of the older ones out and “give up” on them temporarily, moving them to the Goal Queue listed under this goal. I’m not actually giving up on them—I’m just reorganizing to more accurately reflect the things I’m working on right now. Woo. ;D

But if that’s what my brain wants me to do, then that’s what I should be doing. I really have needed an emotional break/vacation for years, now; but that’s what happens when you get crapped on by so many people who claimed to care, and the uncrappy people tend to be away elsewhere, then you end up stretching your patience and giving your all for years, for someone who turns out to be a Stupid Freak. Oh, and it doesn’t help one immediately relax to rescue yourself from said Stupid Freak by jumping into another relationship that requires a lot of work, even if it looks distinctly more like it’s worth it. (Those “progress being made” and “getting support” things are usually considered good, right? ;P)

Point is that what I “want” to do is going to make me less tense and more functional, and if I have to be a slacker for a while to achieve that, then it’s worth it. The trick is managing to slack without my (Life-)Editor Brain telling me that people are looking at me askance, which irritates me and removes the benefit of being a relaxed slacker.

If only people weren’t judgemental and negative so much of the time, it wouldn’t be so difficult to convince myself they weren’t. ;)

I’m taking a semi-enforced vacation this week thanks to the vacation Ben’s girlfriend is taking—at his apartment, where a lot of my things are. :P Brian and I have liberated some of my belongings in the past couple of days, but I may have to liberate a few more when I go to that area to get my car fixed on Thursday. All this sounds like I have no control and am not doing what I want, but although I may not have inspired myself to stay away this week, I’ve been wanting to stay away for a while; this is my excuse. So it’s a sort of delayed variant on doing this because I want to … not bad practice, anyway. ;)

...I am staying home, because I want to. I’ll probably do some things for other people (like going to the fiber shop), but I’m not driving over to the Other Place out of some sense of obligation. Woo.

Last night I picked up the loom Brian made me and tried out the continuous weave—success! It was really quick and easy, and not a big pain in the butt without extra equipment (unlike, say, trying to skein yarn or wind it into a center-pull ball from a skein without a swift). I must finish an item with this yarn before I get derailed, however. ;)

I also finished carding some more wool. Huzzah. Progress is made.

Yesterday was the ex-boyfriend’s birthday and, since I’m still friends with him, I had a few sufferful (I know, not a word ;)) moments involving his Potential Love Interest, of whom I don’t really approve. Anyway, that’s not the point. ;) The point is that once dinner was done with, Brian and I were driving back to his place and I was like, “I want a cigar and jacuzzi.” So we stopped at the cigar place, which, although it technically closes at eight, was actually open even though it was a little after that—apparently the guy who runs it stays a little late on Mondays and Tuesdays. ::light beams down from above:: So I got a chocolate-flavored Havana Honey, one of the ones I wanted to try at Faire this year, and a Honey Berry somethingorother. I almost picked up an Acid Wafe, but that’ll be next time. Brian even found one of the Acid Tea Infusion ones for himself, which was exciting.

Then Brian randomly stopped at the liquor store and we got some of those Vanilla Java Porter things. The jacuzzi turned out to be inaccessible – the pool area was inexplicably blocked off by all the deck furniture and some caution tape – so we sat on the porch and had our little vicefest ;D after I sent the ex a birthday e-card. I told Brian I would be him that night (that is, I’d drink and smoke too much ;)), and between the two of us we drank the whole six-pack, and I smoked the chocolate cigar and a banana one we had left over from FLaRF, so I didn’t do too badly, for me. (I also discovered I can still card wool while I’m kinda buzzy.)

It was fun. :D I had a random mild indulgencefest, and it was nice to be selfish and wasteful. Not that I didn’t also get a lot of the carding done that I wanted to do, too. It was a good night, and I should have more like that. This roving carder somehow helps me be happier. Carding and dyeing are, in some ways, even more addictive than spinning; they take less actual coordination and are easier to walk away from without disentangling myself first or needing to clean up in case the kitties decide to attack. And they’re definitely productive, with a fairly quick visible gratification.

Anyway, yay. I need more indulgence, but that would be why this goal is on here. I’m probably fairly near to being able to check it off, as much as I should—it’s one of those things I ought to be doing indefinitely, really. ;)

The top items on my to-do list today are actually art projects for swaps, but instead of doing those, I washed some wool. That’s kind of funny, because washing wool is potentially for Star and Crossbones – that is, for business – and I usually have this tendency to ignore the (admittedly somewhat mild, or at least not very immediately insistent) demands of my pocketbook in favor of the demands of art and social obligation. But getting that roving carder has made me more productive in a possibly profitable way, at least for the past few days. Yay for drum carders. ;)

I did a test blend of fibers this morning, when according to my to-do list I should have been doing something else. This is generally counterproductive because I get caught up in doing things I feel like doing and never do the things I should be doing (even if I would enjoy them once I got started, which is usually the case), except that today I did both the thing I was supposed to do and the thing I wanted to do … just in reverse order. Woo.

I Kool-Aid dyed some of the last bits of Columbia roving (with Berry Blue, or something?) last night, and am now waiting for it to dry. At the moment, I still want to blend it, but the longer I have to wait, the more time I have to think of reasons for delay … erk!

I read some this morning, too, because I felt like it. I woke up feeling kind of like I probably wouldn’t get much done that I actively want to do, since it feels like the sort of day I used to love using all by myself (and currently I’m with Brian, not near all my Thingies to be used), but reading is something I wanted to do this morning … so I win, a bit. ;D

My roving carder arrived yesterday, and I’ve been indulging myself in carding things. I have so much fiber to process, it’s insane. ;D But first I have to test the early batts, to see how they spin, and in order to do that, I’m spinning the sample fluff that I got with my new Greensleeves spindle. I’m nearly done with it, and then I’ll play a little more with the re-carded gray spinning bell, and then I’ll hopefully still feel like dyeing some fiber blue and blending it with the gray wool.

I really like making batts. ;) I must continue to indulge myself in processing fiber so that I don’t stop, and I actually make it through all those fleeces, and I can sell some of my excess fiber on Etsy, or elsewhere. :D