begin a new life

As I am nearing closely to my 21st birthday I am forced to analyze my 21 years on this planet and prepare myself for a better existence for the next 21.

Begin a new life? What does that mean? I know that beginning a new way of existing is exactly what needs to be done to cure my ever-present despair.

I think the most important thing for me to do is boost my self-esteem. If I have faith and courage within my heart, nothing on this earth can harm me. But what must I do to achieve this? Let us start at the bottom and work our way up.

I am currently on the right path to a clean way of life. I have applied and have been accepted to a local community college to begin my post-secondary education. I would like to be a college graduate. I would like to double major in both music and dance. I first want to earn my associates degree in both areas at my local community college then transfer to Columbia College Chicago and complete my bachelor’s degree. I eventually, perhaps not immediately, want to earn my master’s degree in dance. I want to earn both degrees within a 4 year time frame.

When attending classes I should never miss a day. This includes when I am ill. I should never be late for a class. I understand that some circumstances are out of my control but the times I can control it I will. This not only includes my academic classes but anything pertaining to the schedule I am on. I must constantly remember that my father is investing in me. He is the reason I can get a second chance, so make him proud. I must be free from procrastination and always begin assignments the day that they are assigned. I need to give the extra effort to proof read everything all the time. I must be grateful for my studies because so many people are denied the opportunity everyday. Lastly, aim for a 4.0 GPA. Earn nothing less than a 3.8GPA for scholarships into my prospective university.

I would like to lose weight and keep it off for good and forget about my weight issues. I want to lose 40lbs to weigh anywhere from 100-110lbs. I would like to have a faster metabolism and a high muscle mass percentage.

I need to permanently alter my eating habits. I want to be a raw vegan for the new year and commit to it for as long as my health permits. I need to teach my body to know when it is truly hungry and thirsty. I need to see my body for what it is and create it into want I want. I need to dedicate myself to a gym schedule that includes: cardio, resistance training, and strechting and breathing.

I need to be completely selfless. I would like to be a quiet and reserved person. I want my art and actions to speak for themselves without a need for words. I need to be free from anger, frustration, pessimism, and negativity. I don’t want to do shameful things. I want to live with no shame so I can live with no regret. I always want to smile and inspire smiles in others. I must learn how to decline requests without avoiding others and ultimately hurting another’s feelings. I need to be able to communicate exactly what I need to honestly and briefly.

I must keep my innocence within my heart forever. I don’t want to be involved with swearing, violence, or manipulation. I want to be celibate for the rest of my life. I want to dedicate my life to the world. I want to do good every single day. I want to learn every single day. I need to inspire a change. I need to always be aware of the feelings of others. I must always be passive aggressive when being threatened in any way. Live my life the way jesus would.

Saw myself through the lens of a camera. I did not even know who that person was. All of my hard work, gone to sh!t. I am not happy right now but I keep on with the same old dirty habits. A Change going to come…? feeling a little pessimistic

hey there..=) well, yeah, i want to begin a new life! I couldn’t believe i just realized that now when I shoud’ve began my new life earlier! Sheesh! But that’s how life goes, right?

Anyway, let me share to you why I want to begin a new life. Half of my life, I’ve always been underestimated, whether by my friends, my relatives, or other people. They always have the thought of me not making it this year and that I’m going to have to repeat 1st year high school in chinese. It really bothers me that they look down on me like that. Well, not that I have so much pride or anything..but, who would want to be underestimated?! NOBODY! Just as i thought so..

So here’s the thing, I’m not really good in algebra. Yeah, I also get affected about my failing grades, but I’m not that affected as in like obsessed in trying to pass..you know what I mean? Maybe that’s why my friends always think I’m the kind of girl who doesn’t care about anything. Sometimes, they also tease me in a mannner that I am underestimated. I pretend I’m laughing at their silly comments about me, but, deep inside, I really am hurt and annoyed!

I’m a hardcover if you compare me to an open book…I don’t really fancy sharing my thoughts and feelings to anyone – even to my best-est friend, maybe that’s why I feel alone. No worries, God’s here to comfort me and give me pieces of advice! Yeah, God’s here..=)

So, where was I? Oh yeah, so I first realized that I should begin a new life just a few weeks ago, so that I can prove to everybody that I’m not this dumb girl who doesn’t know anything and who doesn’t care about anything. Some of my relatives say I’m witty and smart – street smart that is. Before, I was contented with this wittiness I had, but, today, I made a decision to bring life to my wittiness and add some brainy smarts. If that didn’t come out clear, please forgive me. Haha..;p

For me to prove this, I decided to begin a new life where I would study harder, take my studies more seriously, and most of all, study harder!!..

The other day, I prayed to God to help me be interested in my studies – especially algebra and chinese, but I know God doesn’t just automatically give you the feeling of interest, but gives you the opportunity to be interested. That is why starting today, I will grab every opportunity He gives me. (I got that idea from “Evan Almighty”, who ever said movies didn’t help? This movie surely helped me..=))

Now, I am positively sure that I’m going to pass! All I need is a little bit of hard work, a little pinch of confidence, and a little dash of patience, and I’m off to making it! haha..=)

And it only keeps getting better. I’ve been divorced for 12 years and most recentley I lived with a creep for 3 years and have been on my own again for 2 1/2 years and the past year has been the best year of my life so far and it’s only getting better.

Not that the old one didn’t have its moments and I didn’t give up friends from my old life but I’m happy where I am (well missing one thing but nothing’s perfect)
Good luck with your new life :)
But remember that not everything in the old life needs to be lost to start a new life.