I’ve seen a virtual army of therapists/counselors/psychologists/psychiatrists since I was a child. I’ve known for a long time that something was “wrong” with me, but no one ever managed to really help me, or even figure out what was wrong beyond superficial crap. Frustration with the situation led to a drinking problem at the age of 21 that nearly killed me. Since I quit drinking on my 23rd birthday, I’ve been desperately trying to work things out, but was blind to the real problem.
I was finally diagnosed with OCPD about a month ago, and it’s been such a relief to finally be able to see the problem and do something about it. I worked with Dr. Phillipson of the excellent ocdonline.com site. Surprisingly, it turns out that I have made a lot of progress already, but it was much harder not knowing what specific tendencies (rule-based thinking) to avoid, and how to handle the bouts of intense anger and anxiety.
I know that thinking I will “beat” this or “fix” myself is just a manifestation of the problem (lol!), but I am looking forward to learning to live with it, to being more in control of my own decisions, and not letting “my rules” (which are really rules that came from other people in my life in most cases!) dictate everything I do and how I live.
Honestly, I feel hopeful about the future for the first time in a long time, maybe in my entire life. It’s great! 3 years ago