I was going to write that ‘I am finally emerging from the fog that my mind has been in for soooo long now’, but I’m not sure if I am emerging or just poking my head through to have a quick look around – before darting back down into the fog.
I have decided to apply for jobs in other places, as many other places as it takes. Since making this decision mid-week, I have taken a few positive steps: I did apply for one full time job here (temp), and I decided NOT to apply for a part time one, even though I really like the workplace and colleagues. And I feel guilty about not applying for the part time one, I really do. BUT I have decided not to apply for it, and I have multiple reasons for that decision.
The first one is that it doesn’t fit with my priorities. If it were even 2 months earlier, I would have applied for it, mistakenly thinking that it would be a step in the right direction. But I have learned a few things about how the world works since then, and though I am really disappointed by what i learned, it does make the pieces of the puzzle fit together much better.
I learned that there is no loyalty here. I can show loyalty if I like and it might be generally appreciated, but it will not be rewarded. Therefore I should only do things for this employer that will benefit me in one of the following ways: financially, socially (living in a preferred town where my friends are), and/or building my resume so I can shift my career in a direction I want to go.
Second reason: In the place where I am now (and have been for a year), I don’t have a life. Several acquaintances, but no friends. No one to go do stuff with, except a roommate who I actually need more space away from… Two “ex-whatever” guys who I’m better off without, but that I keep running into. And it’s a really gossipy place, which makes me feel even more inclined to just stay home. This is not good for me. It’s a beautiful town, but it’s not for me.
And the other town, where I’d prefer to live, is a gloomy, ugly town 100km away, but I have no creepy exes there, and lots of supportive friendly people that I used to know in high school, along with a couple mentors and some new people. It’s probably gossipy too, but at least there are some people around whom I feel comfortable, like I can just relax and be ‘me’.
Third reason: I would make less money than I currently do, and the benefits for my resume are only mediocre. I’d rather be somewhere else, working and making progress either in my personal life, on repaying my debts and moving forward in my career.
Also applying for jobs in the far North! Brrrr… Winter adventure :-)
SO glad I am not stuck in this inertia anymore, because that SUCKED. 2 years ago