quit smoking Gold & Milds

After yet another failed attempt from early January, I decided I just couldn’t do this alone. So I went to the Dr. and got a prescription for Chantix. It’s a pretty new drug that blocks the nicotine receptors in the brain…so when you do smoke, it doesn’t have the same effect. I was on it almost 2 weeks, then started a new quit. I’m currently on day 6 and so far have not had any of the quit symptoms I’ve suffered in the past. No fuzziness, no irritability, no cravings, no CRS.

I know I had to really want this and if one isn’t ready to quit I’m not sure that it would work. However, it’s truly been a miracle for me. After 8 months of struggling to get back to a successful quit, I’m finally on my way.

Thanks to all of you for your ongoing support. Hope this quit lasts a lifetime!

But as they say…”If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.”

I want to be free, I want to be healthy, I want to love myself enough to make healthy and beneficial choices for my highest good and personal growth.

So, I’m doing this again…one step at a time. I’ve been successful in the past, so trying to recreate that success this time around. Of course, the most important things is to NOT SMOKE…NO MATTER WHAT!

Ok, so I’ve decided to try again. Today is the Great American Smokeout…so what better time? I feel somewhat differently about quitting this time. Hubby and I have set the intent to have a baby. More than anything, I want to provide a safe and nurturing space within my body for this child to grow into fruition. I can see this child in my mind’s eye and know it’s simply waiting for the right time to join us here in the physical. So, doing my part by getting my body ready. I’m a bit fuzzy with less that 12 hours under my quit belt, but feel good all in all. I think I’m really ready so hope I can maintain this sense of commitment.

I’ve been on again, off again with this goal. Each time I thought I was back in the game I’d find an excuse to pull myself out. The quit/relapse cycle is pure hell and I’ve been trying to determine how to proceed.

I went to Pebble Hill Interfaith church last week where they were celebrating Rosh Hashana, Ramadan and Autumn Equinox. I wasn’t aware of all the symbolism of these holidays, but I got a kernal of wisdom that seems to have stuck with me. I think it’s Rosh Hashana that is a 10 day opportunity to tie up loose ends, make any amends necessary and close old chapters of our lives. All this to prepare for moving into the new year without carrying that baggage. Sounds like a good idea to me as letting go is not a strong suit for me.

So, I’ve decided to create a ritual and perform it this weekend as we are going camping for the last time this year. I still need to organize my thoughts and figure out what exactly I’d like to do, but the basic point will be to close the chapter on my smoking life so that I can fully embrace my commitment to remove nicotine from my experience.

I’ve always been a closure girl and as I embarked on my 22 month quit (July 2004), I wrote a goodbye letter to my cigarettes. It was very theraputic for me and allowed me the closure to be successful in that quit. So, this will be along the same lines, but perhaps a bit deeper.

I want my freedom back and I want to move into this new chapter to become my most authentic self.

Didn’t take much to throw my head out of the game. I’m bummed. Sick to be disgusted by something, yet so compelled to do it anyway.

Feeling good about this. I knew once I got past the first 24 hours I could make it stick. The first couple days were pretty intense and dh and I had quite a fight. But he was right and I just needed to be reminded that I have choices in how I choose to react to life and quitting. So, gonna mark this as complete. Of course, like cigarettes, it’s a process…but I feel confident that we’ll stay the course and keep on the non-smoking path.

After writing the first entry, I decided to talk to my hubby about setting a firm quit date. We’ve got a camping trip this weekend so we’ve decided to smoke ourselves silly and then return from the trip to a smoke free lifestyle. I know it won’t necessarily be easy, but not having cigars in the house will defintely be an advantage. I’m even entertaining the idea of getting a NRT for the first couple weeks, to take the edge off my intense mood swings. I quit the cigs cold turkey, but it was a grueling experience.

Regardless, I feel better having a quit date and my husband on board with the plan. With classes staring for the ordination program looming ahead, I want this quit firmly established.

7 days after my 22 month anniversary being cigarette free my husband (who had been off cigarettes about 8 months) and I convinced ourselves in a moment of impulsive rebellion that picking up a 5 pack of Gold and Milds would be a good idea. It wasn’t long before we created another moment of rebellion and another and another.

I can already hear the smokers cough and the nighttime wheezing in my chest. I want so badly to stop this insanity, but can’t seem to make it through the first 24 hours. Hubby up to this point has been reluctant to quit, but did say that he is willing to give it a go…but hasn’t given me a real time frame at this point. I thought it was gonna be July 6th…what would have been my 2 year anny. nicotine free. I made it half the day, then picked a fight and lit up.

Need to do this sooner rather than later.