tend to go for women with too much money who are needy and as shallow as me. also sign on and steal off friends and family. 3 months ago
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How I did it: I met a wonderful man almost 4 years ago. I never thought that I would meet someone that was this perfect for me. It does take a lot of work, it did not just show up on my door step. We are all humans, we all make mistakes, we all have flaws. People have to learn to love eachother, no matter what. I mean I totally understand that some people just are not right for you and I've been through relationships where it has been that way.
Never miss an opportunity to tell someone you love them. I hope with my whole heart that everyone can find and have a relationship like I have. :) Read how I did it… 14 months ago
How I did it: So, let's start by saying: this relationship did not end in "happily ever after" or marriage or moving in, etc. We broke up. That's OK.
The relationship was a process of growth for me and I love the person very much. He loves and cares about me too. Unfortunately (and fortunately), part of having a healthy relationship is to realize and acknowledge compatability, strengths, weaknesses, what works for you and what doesn't.
I was somewhat depressed before I got reconnected with the guy and so I had started going to therapy (TOTALLY RECOMMEND THIS TO EVERYONE, DEPRESSED OR NOT) and then I got reconnected with the guy. Lots of trust issues with this guy and with myself, lots of abandonment issues in my life, etc. So, therapy turned into a process of working on myself through my perspective and relationship to the relationship itself.
Through the months I learned when I was reacting at him for things internal to me and when I was actually healthfully relating to him. Communication was somewhat lacking and I had trust issues I had to overcome (and still do) but I learned where my limits are and how to communicate them to him. Through that, we also learned eventually that in the current situation (long distance, about to get longer because of his work) that we just couldn't sustain the relationship and that maybe some day when he's back and things are different that we'd try again (no waiting, no expectations, just positive caring feelings). I also learned that learning to trust someone is both earned by the other person and a leap of faith at the same time. We hit some bumps but the fact of the matter is, if you don't WANT to trust someone you can undermine that (and so can other people). Trust starts with the benefit of the doubt and you can't factor in what OTHER people have done into a new situation.
So, all in all, I did it through therapy, lots of communication and ASKING that the other person be there too, advocating my needs and speaking up (which I've had a tendency to do).
This is not a one size fits all sort of thing. You have to identify what is blocking you from having a healthy relationship and strive on.
He and I are shifting into a new sort of relationship and it's had its bumps and turns. It's been hard to navigate for me but I feel successful in this goal. We were healthful even through the end and when it got to a point where it was going to lose that aspect of itself we called it quits. I'm proud of myself for that. Read how I did it… 18 months ago
How I did it: I had confidence in myself, to begin with. I got blessed with a man who is confident, motivated, a hard worker and honest. We have had tough times, but we are both the type who want to talk things out and work on our relationship rather than just part ways because one of us doesn't get exactly what we want. We listen to each other and try to respect the others opinion. We have both grown tremendously and changed in many ways. We have matured together, with the help of each other and gained respect for each other as we get to know one another and all the quirks we have. It is a true story of falling in love, slowly. I have hated him at points because he has been blunt and honest, but in the end his honesty has made me a better person, so I respect him for it. Im confident he feels the same about me, as I have done the same thing with him. He has dated girls in the past who were hung up on the fact that he was so good looking or that he was an athlete and they didn't really have the depth or desire to really get to know him and what really made him tick. I previously dated guys that took for granted my generousity and good hear but he has never done that. He treats me like a lady and spends time with me, takes me out at least once a week and has helped my kids improve their attitudes toward me, school and life in general. I'm blessed to have him in my life and he is blessed to have me in his. We are no doubt meant for each other. Read how I did it… 23 months ago
Ok, started this goal elsewhere but am bringing it here to where there are more people pursuing the same thing.
Last week I made a few realizations about my relationship and me in all relationships I’ve been in. I keep very quiet about things in order to not stir anything up “at the moment” or because I think I’m overreacting. This ends up in me either being unhappy or me blowing something unrelated out of proportion.
So, this week B and I are taking strides to work with that. I’ve been holding some unfair double standards because I’ve been trying so hard to keep my walls up. I’m not willing to do this anymore. I want the relationship to work.
That’s the big thing for now. I think I’ll find something little and frivolous to do to show some care too…but I haven’t come up with a good idea yet. 1 year ago