I’m up to 16 weeks and 2 days now, and I haven’t pulled a single hair from my head. Honestly? I’m disappointed with the poor amount of re-growth I’ve had, and what has grown back is quite wiry and thin, but hey, anything is better than baldness!
It’s still difficult, I’m not gonna lie. Some days I just want to tear the whole lot out! Or I’ll bargain with myself, like, “Only a few strands won’t matter!”
NO! Not even one strand. Must stay strong. 3 months ago

I’m up to an epic 74 days with pulling any hair from my head! This time, I want the change to be for good. 4 months ago

Sometimes I don’t know whether I’m taking steps forwards or backwards or just running on the spot with this. As it stands, my eyebrows are fine, my eyelashes are ok. There’s a gap right in the center of the upper lid on each eye, but for some reason my craziness is mostly ok with this because the gaps match each other. I don’t even know…it just seems ok that way. I’ve been fiddling with the gaps a lot over the past few days, which has led to more losses and the growth of both gaps. They aren’t too noticeable with a little eyeliner though, and the lashes around the gaps aren’t patchy or thin, they’re nice and regular for the most part. So whilst I’m not happy about it, I’m not too sad about it, just anxious that short periods of stress or fatigue will lead me to focus on the gaps and ruin everything again.
Well that’s the negative side as things stand. As for the positive, a tiny ray of hope; usually if I’m watching television/on the internet etc and I unconsciously pull for whatever reason, I immediately become aggravated by what I’ve done, which leads to more pulling on a conscious level. The process goes like this:
1) watching tv, pull two or three eyebrow hairs out in a chunk without being previously conscious I was touching my eyebrows
2) feelings of instant regret, panic, self-loathing, agitation – thoughts such as ‘there must be a gap now, how can I fix it?’ ‘I need to examine the damage and try to neaten around it so it isn’t noticeable’ ‘everything’s ruined! there’s going to be a huge gap, perhaps I can feel it just by sitting here’ ‘I’m certain I can feel the gap I’ve made, but I think I can locate the hairs I need to pull out to make it neat again just by feeling around’
3) I either continue to pull on purpose, feeling my eyebrow constantly to see if the line of the brow ‘feels’ neater and tidier and normal again/ whether the gap ‘feels’ like it’s been disguised by thinning out the brow to remove it etc. OR I race to the mirror, frantically examine the eyebrow, locate the gap, and watch myself in the mirror as I ‘neaten’ by pulling the hairs around it. Once I think it looks ok, I return to the couch.
4) Having convinced myself I’ve somewhat salvaged the situation by grooming and pulling more hairs, I return to what I’m doing, but can’t stop thinking about/touching the area in question.
5) Decide I can probably do a better job of fixing the situation and repeat step 3, usually resulting in the eyebrow looking worse, which leads me back to step 2. AND REPEAT – steps 2 through 5. and repeat. and repeat. until there’s nothing left.

This goes for eyelashes too, I just used eyebrow for the example.
Anyway, back to the ray of hope – I’ve found on the odd occasion recently, I’ve gotten to step 2 and managed to stop myself from going further. Instead I’ve told myself ‘it’s probably fine, it was only a few hairs, even if there’s a gap, pulling more will make it more noticeable. You should examine it, but do it later – tomorrow morning when you aren’t feeling agitated.’
I think this has saved me from a lot of damage on a couple of occasions, as often when I’m in that state of mind I pick faults that I wouldn’t usually find troublesome. I know from experience that I’ll spend a whole day freaking out over one hair that’s driving me beserk because it ‘sticks out’, only to wake up the next morning and think ‘huh, if I smooth it down like this it actually looks good!’

I’m sad about the gaps in my eyelashes, but this is the way forward. All I can do now is have a little patience, forgive myself, and let them grow back.

• Think hippy thoughts *

[ that’s not a typo, hippies are laid-back and don’t care how you look ;) ] 4 months ago

I’ve pulled the odd eyelash and brow over the past few days, probably because I’m at a higher risk of pulling whilst on my period, and my period kindly waited until the second day of my new job to kick my in the ovaries, so there was added stress of trying to learn whilst looking attentive and perky, whilst losing blood and feeling generally ill and weak. Gah. Anyway I pulled one lash that had been irritating me and I’d been very proud of resisting for a good few weeks. That’s made me a little sad because in a way, see it there and knowing it was annoying me but resisting was for my own good was kind of helping me feel strong. But I actually pulled it incidentally, I didnt know it was that one, I was just sat at the laptop messing with my lashes and pulled a single one, and it happened to be that. Anyway, I’ll just have to keep trying to resist. I feel like I’m at another make or break point in the pulling stage. My eyelashes are pretty much filled out, and they’re approaching regular length, but they still aren’t completely normal. This is where I get into a false safety zone. ‘Argh I feel stressed, pulling would help…oh go on, what’s the harm? I can stand to lose a good few before it even starts to thin out a bit’. And I actually DO it! I can’t believe I do but I do! So I just need to stop myself as if I had none spare to lose! I have to really try! I wish this goal were simpler to achieve. I wonder if I’ll ever be able to tick it off the list? 6 months ago

I’m at the point in the pulling cycle where I’m pretty happy with how things are going. My eyebrows aren’t full and they definitely aren’t perfect, but I only need a little bit of eyeliner on them to make them look ok. My eyelashes too are pretty filled out, had a bit of a blip a few days ago and thinned them on my left eye a bit but again, a bit of eyeliner sorts it out.
I’m also at the stage where I can actually leave the house without make-up if I want to. I love this stage. It’s so great not having to spend so long fussing at the mirror worrying that I’ve drawn my eyebrows on too thick, that they dont match, that one rub of my eye is going to reveal my bald, swollen lids.
I mean, fair enough I don’t look amazing without the make up. I look a bit worn and scruffy. But for going to the shops or just walking my boyfriend to the bus stop in the morning, I’m confident to go out without any make up on.
I’ve actually been resisting a flyaway hair on my left eyebrow the past few days. I very nearly pulled it. I know that pulling one flyaway will technically make my eyebrow neater. But I also know there’s a HUGE risk that by pulling one flyaway, I’ll draw my attention to another nearby, and it will carry on and on until I’m not neatening, I’m doing damage control, thinning my eyebrow out to make the gap I’ve just accidentally created less noticeable. And then I’ll worry that my left eyebrow is so thin and patchy whilst my right eyebrow is nice and thick, so I’ll start on the right one, telling myself ‘I’d rather have two matching eyebrows that are thin and patchy, because at least they’ll fill out in sync then and eventually look beautiful’. But that wont happen because I’ll accidentally pull too many from the right eyebrow, and when I go back to thinning the left eyebrow to match the now even thinner right one, I’ll accidentally make a huge gap. So then I’ll shorten the complete length of the left eyebrow, pulling ALL of the hairs at the end of the eyebrow. Because I thought it would be better to have a weirdly short, extremely thin eyebrow than a regular length thin eyebrow with a big noticeable gap in it. But then I’ll step back and look at my sad, desperate little left eyebrow and feel like absolute crap, because I look like a freak again. And there’s no saving it now, because there’s barely any eyebrow left there. It’s not the right length, shape, or thickness. It would be easier to draw the eyebrow on a bald brow than try and incorporate this weird little patchy eyebrow into the drawn on one. And I feel so sad and desperate and pathetic anyway. It’s better to let it start fresh than leave this one little tuft that will always be longer than the rest of the eyebrow as it grows back. So I just let myself go and rip violently at what’s left until there’s no left brow. And then I look at my lopsided face in the mirror. One side of my is bald, red and puffy from being picked at. The other side isn’t red, but it has a pathetic little thin patchy eyebrow. Is it really worth saving? It doesnt even look good anyway. And if I have one completely drawn on eyebrow and one mostly drawn on but still partially real eyebrow, they’ll NEVER match and it will be so much stress and hassle every morning trying to MAKE them match. So then I go at the right eyebrow, ripping and tearing until there’s nothing left, because at this point it’s better to let them grow together.
But then I’m stuck looking like an alien, feeling ugly and like a failure, and I’m stuck in front of the mirror every morning for weeks and weeks on end now, drawing eyebrows onto my bald forehead. Which look thick and black and fake, because they ARE. Which never look quite right, certainly not attractive. And which smudge and smear if I need to scratch there, or if I accidentally brush my head against my sleeve, or even against someone’s face and I hug them. I have to be aware of them whenever anything goes near them, in case they’ve smudged. I have to carry eyeliner at all times in case they smudge and I need to draw them back on. I constantly wipe at the edges of them with my finger, to neaten them in CASE they’ve smudged – I can’t see so I don’t know.

And all that from a flyaway hair. So even if it doesn’t SOUND like a big achievement, leaving that hair there really makes all the different. Even if I do think it looks wrong and messy. 6 months ago

I’m not doing very well really. Eyebrows fill out a bit, I pull them back to vague outlines until they fill in more again and repeat. Not many eyelashes to speak of. I’m pretty sure this had lead to an infection in my right eye (same thing happened around this time last year). Havent been able to get a doctor’s appointment yet. Probably wont get one til after my holiday :/ Bought some over the counter eye drops and ointment, but I had the same drops last year and to be honest, they did fuck all for me :/ 9 months ago

still not fully recovered after the dissertation pulling. My eyebrows have started to fill out again but I keep pulling the odd few here and there and setting myself back. Most recently yesterday and the day before, exam stress got to me and I pulled a lot of eyebrows. There is still a decent outline to both of the brows, but quite a lot of eyeliner is still needed to fill them in each morning.
I’m still using the pulling diary, but not as much as I should. I haven’t been keeping it close at all times, so it’s my own fault.
I’ll set myself a personal goal to keep it close and record everything, including arm hairs, temptations to pull, and try to be more accurate on the exact number of hairs I pull each time.

I might also consider keeping every hair that I pull. This was a technique suggested by my therapist when I had CBT, to show myself just how much I’m losing, as it’s often not apparent just how many I’ve pulled. 11 months ago

Had a major pulling spree on the night before my dissertation was due (a few weeks ago). Pulled EVERYTHING out from my eyebrows and lashes. Since then I haven’t kept up with my journal really. I suppose because there hasn’t been anything to pull for a while, and even when I have pulled it hasn’t made a difference cause there’s pretty much nothing there anyway.
I need to keep the journal and a pen close at hand at all times to encourage me to stick to it, and record urges as well as actual instances of pulling.
Eyebrows are starting to fill out a bit again now, eyelashes are taking longer… 12 months ago

I’ve been getting lazier with my journal and only been recording whenever I pull from eyelashes or brows and letting other hairs (arm, for example) slide…and also not recording when I’ve had urges to pull but not successfully pulled out a hair.
I think my next step is to make sure the pulling journal and a pen are near me at all times to encourage me to record everything. Often I’ll mean to record something but be too lazy to fetch the journal immediately, and then I forget and it never gets noted down.

So far brows and lashes seem good though. Only a few missing, not very noticeably :) 13 months ago

I’ve started a pulling journal again today.
This was something I was supposed to do whilst I was seeing a therapist about having trichotillomania but quickly gave up on because it was a hassle to do.
But having no eyebrows is MORE of a hassle…and I can’t expect this to magically go away without any hard work. 14 months ago

I was doing pretty well and had full lashes but they’re pretty much gone again. Eyebrows are a little thin but okay.
Its just once there’s a gap, I dont stand a chance! 21 months ago