be friends with my husband

i think that the hubby and i definitely hit a wall recently. actually, i don’t think we did, i know we did, i built it, and we hit it head on at full speed. i lied. i will be honest, i lied. i haven’t lied to my husband about anything, not even a little while lie in years. i used to think that little white lies were ok, until like lost socks my dryer spit out a ball of little white lies the size of new jersey. so i made an oath to myself to tell no lies. So i’ve been holding my breath and spitting out the truth for years. but this time, i was kind of asked to lie, for a short time, it was more of holding out for a while. long story short, that idea came back to haunt me ten fold. holy crap. however, when confronted, i was honest, and my good intentions were (kinda) rewarded by not being left on my own. i’m not sure why i got burnt the way that i did, and i’ll probably never know. all i can hope for now is progress being made in my marriage.

last night when he got home from work, it was 11:30-11:45 ish, i was in a weird place. I just began reading a book and unknowingly it starts with a women who is suspicious of her husbands strange behavior. huh, sounds familiar. in the novel however her home is broken into and then her, well boyfriend actually, is found dead in a car accident. nevertheless, i had read until my eye’s were too sleepy to focus, and i hear him pull into our driveway, but he doesn’t turn the car off. I’m thinking :wtf. He loudly whispers up the stairs to see if I’m awake, and i am, and he asks if i would like to ride uptown and see the festival all lit up at night and empty. So, at midnight, i threw on a hoodie over my pajama’s and we make the less than a mile round trip drive up to our village park to see everything set up and ready for the biggest festival this little town has seen! It was very picturesque, the Ferris wheel is HUGE, it towers well over the whole village. the tents are also HUGE, three big ones, plus the ugly orange and white striped tents they use by the BBQ pits. point being, that was a very cute gesture of him!! i slept well.

i am circling the wagons! I have a feeling that some things have been said and done just to make our lives miserable. i am not going to let other peoples misfortunes ruin what i have!! i am sticking by my marriage. end of story.

http://www.dustymoore.com/index.asp

this is the race car team that my husband works for. it’s really volunteering, but it’s his thing, so what the hell!!

i’ve been pretty passive at supporting him and dusty. i should probably be a better fan this year. i’m already off to a pretty bad start!

part of marriage is encouraging my husband and doing this selflessly to better his life. i get it. but i am not a money tree, i can not simultaneously get good enough grades for graduate school and work a full time job, and take care of every chose around the house. and i mean this seriously, i get attitude when i don’t’ wash ALL of the laundry because he needed pants for the race shop, of if there isn’t dinner ready when he gets home from the race shop, or when i wash all 400 dishes that our adult family of four dirtied – but i didn’t put them away. how lazy of me. i mean, gosh, it’s not like i was studying, sleeping, showering, taking out the garbage, the recycling, washing someones laundry, and exercising (after all, i am a little “chunky butt.”) i understand that he’s laid off, and i understand that quiting smoking is hard. I quit smoking, and i was without a job for nine months last year. but guess what if he stopped using all of his damn gas running around to see all of his buddies all day i could afford to give him 20$ to go racing, but that 20$ has to go in the gas tank for the few days a week he can go to landscaping. i am so frustrated i want to drink. what do you call women who are addicted to wine!? i’m almost there. I don’t even want to push the concept of friendship until i’m out of maid mode.

i heart him everyday, even the days i want to dangle him by his feet from something really tall. he is definitly my best friend.

so here’s the funny thing. i stopped putting myself first, and life starting sliding downhill. i didn’t really enjoy it, i’m on an up swing now. the hubby See’s it. it makes him nervous. his nervousness makes me laugh. i think he thinks that i’m going to leave him. and i kinda am, i’m going to stop following him, i’m going to stop staying home, etc. i’m leaving his shadow. it only makes our relationship stronger, when he can’t take me for granted.

so, this is on the cusp of getting better, but – our scheudules over lap. i work 5am-4pm and he works 2pm-11pm. we see each other from 12 midnight until i wake up at 3am. i passed the classroom portion of my dialysis class, so that free’s me up to have some day soff during the week. maybe i can see my hubby again, soon.

happy birthday to my hubby, the bhe [best husband ever], he’s 29 today! gosh we are getting old!! the older we get the happier we are, and the happier we are the more we get along, and the more we get along the more i can’t wait to grow old with him!

we went to a halloween party last night. he was a lunch lady, dress, stockings, apron, spoon, hairnet, etc. it was hilarious. it was an interesting night all around. we had met quite a few of his racing friends there, one whose wife happens to be his boss. she suggested his costume idea, and then proceeded to take credit at every opportunity and to basically flaunt him around. i was more than annoyed, and i’m sure he could tell. when we left, and after we dropped off another friend of ours at home, we had a really amazing conversation about the entire situation. it was great, it was a real apology and not the normal shallow ‘i’m sorry i didn’t mean it’ apology. it was sort of as though he had pumped himself up to go and entertain and really pull the costume off, and he walked in the door and figuratively spread his arms to spread his figuartive superhero cape and whacked me in the face knocked me down and left me there to recover alone. he totally took responsibilty for doing it, and even though i only had a ‘sorta’ fun night, the drive home made it worth it.