Overcome ADD

I always joked I had this, but then I found out I did.

I have had this most of my life. I became aware of it several years ago. I don’t have hyperactivity. I have problems completing tasks and making decisions. I’m aware there is medication I can take, but I’m leery of side-effects. I used to be able to control the ADD – able to perform well at work and then being tired from it all in the evening. Because of some very difficult times with deaths in the family, etc. I have been dealing with depression which seems to build on the ADD.

At this point, I’m looking for answers and hoping I can deal with the ADD better since I am coming out of the depression.

youtubes, twitter, fml, txting, i wonder if they are affecting, shaping, conditioning my mind to have even shorter and shorter attention span. Possibly.

Yesterday I finished a book. At first it was nothing to me but now I am realizing that I can live with this ADD and not let it interfere with my life. It feels so good to be able to trust myself to complete tasks and be able to take on more. I am already in my second book and I am excited to plow through this one as well, and enjoy it with a cup of coffee. Finally I can RELAX!

I am trying to finish everything I start, and staying focused. It is hard but I am getting there slowly but surely.

i find it difficult to focus, concentrate and sometimes comprehending.

I find it difficult to carry on converstations with people, it usually doesn’t last very long.

I usually don’t finish the projects I start,

I read books of various subject, paragraphs here and there, lots of skipping, usually do not finish any one books.

etc.

test

When I was first diagnosed adhd, they put me on ritalin… and I didn’t stick with it long enough to find out if it worked, but I did find out there was a market for my med, which gave me pocket money for about a year.

I didn’t think about it for a long time until I was nearing the end of college, and I started to see that my insatiable need for knowledge and experiences was really making it hard to move forward in anything. I’ve never understood how people can get bored… what I find more debilitating is having too many options, so I don’t know where to start.

I finally completed my B.A. but as I continue my life journey, I haven’t a clue what to do next. I have a million things I want to do or, that I know I would be good at, but I can’t do them all at once. For now, I am trying to make slow decisions, and continue where I am. I’m not moving to a new city, I’m not spontaneously quitting my job. I’m sticking it out, and praying that some outside source makes the decision for me. I think this is the reason I keep considering the military. That would take aways some of the choices.

But, to satisfy my need for change, I apply for 2-3 jobs a month, often things that are a stretch. I research becoming a paralegal, accountant, physical therapist, nutritionist, graphic designer, industrial engineer, Information systems manager… and the list goes on. All of these would require additional school, or a serious connection. I think making excuses for not succeeding is part of this ailment, too.

I feel confident that I can do anything, but I am not confident that anyone can see that in me. What a contradiction. How does self-cosciousness affect my ability to succeed. it’s not so much self-doubt, but it is easier to blame something outside of myself than to fix whatever minor thing I think is the problem.

Since I am a bit anti-social, I have limited views from outside myself, and have a really hard time weighing where I am.

More than anything, I don’t want my attention deficit to keep me from success, especially since I KNOW I am capable. the older I get the less patience I have for standardized testing, too. I am terrified of taking the GRE, or any other upper level test. In this case, it is the time constraint that stops my brain from functioning (probably the reason I can’t deal with time based computer games… It’s really hard to not keep thinking about how to go faster, and consequently going far slower than if the constraint weren’t there).

I think my impatience for number puzzles, and redundant paragraghs, that makes it hard for me to think clearly. the more the question looks like a list the easier it is. When it is a large block of text, I keep getting lost.

It’s weird being a writer, too, b/c I am longwinded. Yet, I have lost my ability to read. I don’t know how to set aside blocks of time to just read… and if I do just a few minutes here and there, I completely lose interest, pick up a new book and never finish any of them. Magazines helped for a while (The New Yorker is awsome for someone burned out from reading)... but even magazines seem like repetition.

ug. I think I could use some sort of life coach, but I would love to be a life coach too! how is it, that all of the people I think would help me are in careers that I think that I could be successful in.

Next actions: Read some tips. Try mentally noting each moment.

Oh, how I miss my wall calendar. 2007 ended (obviously) and I have not purchased a new one. “Why?” you ask? Mainly because if I don’t write it on a list, it doesn’t get completed. The calendar is useful for me to mark when credit cards and other bills are due. So far this year I think I paid 4 late fines for different bills….because I haven’t used the calendar. Yes, I get the paper bills but they mean nothing to me. My mind doesn’t get it when I see the paper bill. It’s merely a cue for me to start thinking about when to pay the bills. This past month was good though.

I’ve also been brave to have 3 things debited monthly from the checking account. I would not have done this before for fear of not managing the money properly…not using the check register right now. Which I know is quite dangerous for financial things. “OHIO” has not been on my mind and the mail will forever be a battle. I went through some of it the other day. It still piles up in different places- just not as much. I guess it’s improving still. I’m paying attention to how I feel “imbalanced” when the clutter starts and it pushes me to start cleaning. It’s a teensy bit of progress for now.