learn to love better

I love others, and I love myself. I feel that I cannot have this on my list any longer, because what better way is there to love better, except to love continually?

I’m not entirely sure…. there are varying types of love, and love in its truest essence is perfect and good, not bad or imperfect right? So how you can make something that is already perfect better? I think its because people who say the want to love better, really mean they want to express their love more effectively. Its one thing to love someone, it’s another to express that love (but rather poorly), and quite a whole other ball game to adequately express the love you feel in the most beneficial way. After my breakup I learned that the “love” was not lacking, contrary to what most self-help gurus will tell you. The love was still in my heart. The challenge wasn’t in loving, the challenge was in the expression of that love. And I must say I did quite poorly. One reason, I discovered I was doing so poorly was because I was following all the advice that was given to me. And when you ask many people for a solution, they all give you THEIR interpretation of what a solution would be. And sometimes when you are looking for answers you follow their advice, and find that it doesn’t work for you.

*I quit my therepy because I got into debt, debt does not cure depression, (but what did people around me tell me to do. To stick with it. They said this because I was still depressed. But I realized that therepy was making my depression worse, especially now since I have a bill collector calling ad-nauseum.) This was supposed to be THE SOLUTION, in my parent’s eyes to my problem. But it wasn’t. I still don’t know what THE SOLUTION is to my problem, but I do know that therepy isn’t one of them, it might be for other people, but not for me. (Why would you want to stick with something if it isn’t working? People say, you should have stuck with that diet, but if that particular diet is NOT helping you to lose the weight, THEN IT ISN’T WORKING, and you need to find a better diet. Same thing with life problems [i.e. you can’t produce a CHANGE by doing the same thing.] There was no positive change for me, in therepy. Not only that but my therepist was having marital problems. Just who I wanted to see to help me with my relationship problem, huh?

I have never loved myself so therefore I have never loved anyone else. Also my family didn’t teach me how to love growing up because there was never love in our home.

it’s not that I loved poorly… I was doing things backwards… trying to love others before I learned to love myself. I only thought I loved poorly because of low self-esteem… my love is honest and true… and beautiful. It’s no longer important to love “better” but find someone who loves me because of my flaws rather than in spite of them. I learned to love better… just ended up learning to love someone other than the goal was intended for: ME!