Find balance.

This is such a huge issue for me and I guess that’s why I haven’t had the courage to write about it yet…

In life there always seems to be a ‘way’ to behave, to speak, to drive, to sit, etc. But, who’s to say which ‘way’ is right and which is wrong. Who’s to say that instead of speaking loudly all the time, the ‘proper’ way of speaking should be with a lowered voice? Who can say that? If somebody can say- then who are they? Where do I find them? How can I find them?

There are so many things in life that require a balance. Life itself requires some degree of balance. Anything not balanced is imbalanced- that apparently is not ‘acceptable’ in many situations and whatever.

So how does one find balance?

I never seem to be ‘balanced’ in anything.

how much more spare time there seems to be if I leave my laptop at work.

Last night I went out with another girl from work to meet a friend for dinner and decided to leave my laptop at work. It was a great night out.

And when I came home everything seemed so much calmer. Weirdly disconnected from my usual evening routine of checking emails, surfing the net and watching telly online. But good in a way.

Maybe that’s something I should do more often. Leave the laptop and work and have at least one tech-free evening a week to unwind…

:) Finding balance is a constant search I think. Everyday I get up at 5:30 am, get to work at 7:00 and I don’t stop moving and running around until I get home around 4:00. By the time I get home, I know I need to change, and get my butt to the gym, then come home, plan my clothes and food for the next day, work on homework, and then go to bed…..let me tell you how good I am at doing this. Working during the day, no problem, I give it my all…literally. By the time I get home, ALL is gone and my energy is out the door. I think the thing to do, is push through the mental block and just get to the gym to take care of my mind and body…but it has been so hard.

I’d like to find balance and end the ongoing struggle brewing within me and find some peace of mind.

I have had problems at work since we got a receptionist/office manager? who is a redneck and thinks she is above all the minorities in the office. She puts her feet on top of her desk. Looks down on you like she is something special and like she is your boss. I work for a family support program and I do have a boss. The receptionist does not even have a college degree. I am upset about her demeanor and so are most people in the office but the executive director does nothing about it. Almost nobody talks to her. I do feel bad for her sometimes and I say good morning or have small talk with her but the I regret doing so because she keeps doing the same mean things.
The morale in the office is low since she got hired. I will try to keep to my self, focus in my work and completely ignore this hick. (She wears scrubs on Fridays, somehow she thinks she works in a hospital)

My relationship with my son is from bad to worse. I am thinking of getting professional help. I need to establish limits and stick to it. Every time I ask him to do a single chore turns into drama. He gets so mad and I try to stay calm so that it is not the two of us being mad. We had an argument yesterday, I took a deep breath, hugged him and told him that he needs to help more around the house. He reacted well.
I have to make sure he picks up his clothes from the bathroom floor today.

I NEED to work harder in my business. I am good at working passionalety for others, why not for me?

My self-esteem is very low right now. I feel lonely and tired of living. Sometimes I am driving and I feel like a robot. Like everyday is the same. I am stuck in a rut. I need to read positive things, stay away from negative people. Do things for myself.
:)

Working hard on creating schedules buying planners etc.. Still finding this very difficult

A few months ago I was too focused on work and wasn’t getting out to enjoying myself. The past couple months I’ve been going out a lot, but I haven’t really had time for myself and I’m getting run down. I find that I’m often doing things to make OTHER people happy. I’m going out because they want me to. I end up having a good time… but I have to make sure I do what’s right for me.

This is like some extreme not-caring, self-depreciating, tired phases. I’m sick of it; just want to sleep through, but can’t. Damn.

Yeah, balance could possibly be nice, but would I then loose the melodramatics and extremes that make the best fuel for all my creative endeavors? Hm… Ya, know because I’m balanced enough, I think I”ll just call that could for now, and try to find more balance when stability is more important in my life.

This one isn’t going so well. I’m either like a wreck of anxiety, which is happening less :], or being a lot more apathetic, though with a hint of bitchy-ness.
My not reliable ex-psychologist once said that I might be depressed when I was in one of the more apathetic, nothing matters kind of phases. And the other extreme is panic attacks.
I guess I have balance sometimes, like when I’m hanging out with friends, and it’s fun and chill, that’s always nice.