learn to mix drinks

Now that I’m (half-heartedly) trying to lose weight and get into better shape, I’m not having as many cocktails as I used to, and I’m not trying new drinks as quickly. But I have tried two in the past couple of months that were rather good.

MacDuff (2.5 oz Scotch whiskey, 0.5 oz Triple Sec, dash of Agnostura bitters, stirred with ice and strained into a cocktail glass)
Liquid Caramel (1 oz each butterscotch schnapps, coffee liqueur, and irish cream, shaken together with ice, then strained into a glass; top with 3 oz milk/cream)

And one that I can’t believe I didn’t add earlier:

Caesar (pour 1.5 oz vodka in a glass over ice, add Tabasco and Worstchester sauce, then fill with Clamato juice & stir with a celery stick)

I’m doing okay with this goal, I suppose (although some of my earlier cocktails might need some refreshing), except for the whole “ten that my wife likes” aspect. Right now, I know three that she likes. Maybe four. I need to work harder on that.

The great thing about this goal is that I can make up drinks and, if I like them, I get to name them myself. And given my propensity for puns and wordplay, that can make for ridiculousness. And so, without further ado, two of my silly – but delicious – recipes.

A Fistful Of Dynamite (2 oz Gold Tequila, splash of tonic water, mixed in an old-fashioned glass over ice & garnished with a maraschino cherry, preferably one with a stem)
The Long Weekend (1.5 oz Canadian Rye Whiskey, 0.5 oz Root Beer Schnapps, splash of root beer, mixed in an old-fashioned glass over ice)

If you can’t figure out where the ridiculousness comes in, the first one is a TnT, and the second one is an RnR. Yes, I know: bring on the boos…

To help with this goal – and to expand my experience – I’ve been going through the list of The International Bartender’s Association’s Official Cocktails for the past few months. Not all of them are good, but I have run across some excellent mixes that I have added to my repertoire, some with slight tweaking. Here is a list of the ones I have down by memory:

Martini (2 oz gin or vodka, 0.5 oz dry vermouth, stirred with ice & poured in a cocktail glass, garnished with olives. I prefer gin, but Vodka’s nice with garlic-stuffed olives!)
Gibson (2 oz gin, 0.5 oz dry vermouth, stirred with ice & poured in a cocktail glass, garnished with pearl onions.)
Whiskey Sour (3 parts whiskey, 2 parts lemon juice, 1 part syrup, shaken w/ ice & poured over ice into an old-fashioned glass. The “official” recipe says to add egg white, but it is completely unnecessary.)
Old Fashioned(Muddle 1 sugar cube, 2 dashes of Angostura bitters, and a little soda water in an old-fashioned glass, then add ice & pour in 2 oz whiskey. Garnish with lemon & a Maraschino cherry.)
Screwdriver (1 part vodka, 2 parts orange juice, dash of salt, stirred in a glass w/ ice.)
Tequila Sunrise (Stir 1.5 oz tequila, and 3 oz orange juice in a glass with ice. Garnish with Maraschino cherries and a splash of grenadine.)
Americano (Stir 1 part Campari & 1 part sweet vermouth in a glass over ice, and add some soda water)
Negroni (1 part each of gin, campari, and sweet vermouth, stirred with ice and poured in an old-fashioned glass.)
Rusty Nail (Pour 9 parts Scotch whiskey and 5 parts Drambuie in a glass filled with ice, stir until the sides frost up & garnish w/ a twist of lemon.)

I’m surprised I didn’t include the Martini or the Gibson in my first list – I’ve known how to make them for a long time now. Sadly, my wife likes NONE of these, but I like them all, and feel pretty confident making any of them for guests. (Or for myself, if I feel like living it up a little.)

I was surfing the web a month ago in my search for cocktails that were unique and had character, and this definitely fits the bill. It is a real-world equivalent to what could be the greatest drink in all of fiction: the “Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster”. It’s not exactly the same as having your brains smashed out by slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick, but I couldn’t find a bottle of Ol’ Janx Spirit anywhere.

The Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster: 1 oz Jack Daniels, 1 oz peach schnapps, and 4-6 oz orange juice shaken together with ice and poured into a highball glass. Pour in a splash of blue curacao and garnish with a slice of lemon and an olive.

(I know what you’re thinking and, yes, the olive is vital.)

I’m going through quite a few tastings and trials during the Christmas vacation, because this is a time with: a) a lot of time off, and b) a lot of opportunities to pour drinks for me and my friends. I’ve tried a few horrible, horrible drinks (the Horse’s Neck? UGH), but a few that were good enough to stick in my memory and remain on the list:

God Father (1.5 oz Amaretto, 1.5 oz Scotch whisky, in an old-fashioned glass over ice)
Black Russian (2 oz vodka, 1 oz Kahlua, in an old-fashioned glass over ice)
White Russian (1.5 oz vodka, 1 oz Kahlua, 2 oz cream, in an old-fashioned glass over ice)
Brandy Alexander (1 oz brandy, 1 oz dark creme de cacao, 1 oz cream, shaken and poured into a cocktail glass)

The last two are drinks my wife likes, with a few alterations (a little more creme de cacao in the Brandy Alexander, a little more cream/milk in both), so that’s filling up nicely as well!

I have loved eggnog since I was a kid, but I’d only ever had it from the cartons in the dairy aisle. I’d never had fresh, home-made eggnog before. Until Sunday night. My wife and I put up our little fake tree, put on the Christmas carols, and I made eggnog (courtesy of a recipe from Alton Brown’s Good Eats). It was AMAZING. I think I probably over-beat the egg whites, but other than that, it’s GLORIOUS. (I also changed the bourbon to spiced rum; I’m a rum man. And it was great.) It’s got a lot of ingredients to remember, but I think if I make it another couple of times I should have it down. And if not, well, Christmas is only once a year: I think I can be forgiven for having to look it up!

After a bit of mixing and taste-testing, I’ve got four cocktails under my belt, one of which my wife even likes. (Then again, she liked it before, too. The secondary part of this goal is going to be pretty hard…)

The four drinks are:
The Manhattan (2 oz rye whiskey, 0.5 oz sweet vermouth, dash bitters, maraschino cherries)
The Rob Roy (as above, but replace rye whiskey with Scotch whisky)
The Long Island Iced Tea (0.5 oz each of rum, vodka, tequila, gin, and triple sec, plus 1 oz sweet & sour mix and a splash of cola)
The Mudslide (0.5 oz each of Irish cream, coffee liqueur, and vodka, plus 1 oz of cream or milk)

Which one of these does my wife like? I’ll give you a hint: the one that has Irish cream in it. I swear, girls and their Irish cream…

I picked this goal for my 101 in 1001 list, but then I realized that “learn to mix drinks” isn’t really very measurable. I have since decided that this goal will mean the following:

Be able to mix 30 different drinks from memory, 10 of which my wife likes.

Because if I’m going to mix drinks, I’m going to need to learn some important ones that I’ll actually use once or twice a year.

I used about a 4 to 1 ratio of bourbon to sweet vermouth and 2 dash bitters. Stirred over ice and strained into chilled martini glass with cherry garnish.

After quite a few flops over the past year, this is the first successful cocktail I’ve made in a long time.

i finished my class today
i did it! i can mix drinks (and not have them taste like ass)