get my life back into balance

But my life looks more like a calm sea than a stormy ocean…

-D suggested an open relationship, would be silly to have it otherwise, we are living 400 miles apart and our feelings for each other are still going strong even a year had passed.
-Enter G, we have good chemistry, certainly my type, but there’s something on that “no-pressure” approach that just get me everytime, having someone that doesn’t want to get laid with me is amusing.
Payments, I let it go, now starting to focus on income rather than all I’ve to pay, I’ll have to rent my other room, That sucks , and I won’t be able to host as many people from Couchsurfing, maybe ceasing to host at all :( but need to be done.
-Got 400 in my RAC pipeline, that should cover mid february deficit.
-I want a child, considering options, marriage is not just me, nor a lifelong relationship, maybe with the right one, but, I’m tired of looking, companions are far less stressful, M wants to have a son before she gets too old, we discussed it yesterday, why not, been friends since ever.

1st step: Take my medication on time for 2 days

Frank Herbert wrote “There’s no secret to balance, you just need to feel the waves”.

I’d never learn to surf, but when I readed that phrase I understood that what I’d been doing for a while, being adaptable and fix my current course accordingly.

But this year, has seen very tough stuff, things I’d promised my younger self never to allow to repeat, but in that I found I was just being pride, and with all the loses I was “supposedly” having, indeed, I was bountiful.

Many good things had come from this, as someone wrote once “If you are going trough Hell, keep going”, and I’m keep going, but I also hold the key to heaven, what I’m wondering is why I’m doubting of using it, the future is still bright, and yes, maybe I can afford to allow myself more of this penance in order to forge my character, but the world outside is moving, choices need to be taken and I’m not growing any younger, well, my body is, my soul feels like just being reborn, I’m delighted in my suddenly found enlightenment, anything in excess is wrong, even Enlightenment.

So, let’s put my financial stuff back in track, get out of this pit, move one, now that I know what is like to be disowned, I can truly help others going trough the same.

Sometimes things suddenly feel out of sync, and it takes me by surprise. Like today. Things have been fine and I think I’m holding up well, when out of the blue everything just feels like it’s crashing down.

But tomorrow’s another day, so… It’s going to be okay, and more importantly, I’m going to be okay (I really need to make that into some sort of mantra because it doesn’t feel like that at all right now, ugh).

I am getting things back to where they’re supposed to be. This is by no means done-it’s a work in progress-but now I can tick this off as I can see that I’ve progressed much since I added this goal to my list of things to do.

I’m glad to have reached where I am now, what I have right now is a pretty good balance, but I’ll still continue tweaking things until I’m completely satisfied… which I’ll probably never be. ;)

At any rate, I’ve done enough to be able to say I’ve completed this. It’s been a month of hard work and it’s already paying off. :)

That is exactly what I’ve been doing lately. That mostly consists of saying sorry to the people whom I owe apologies to, making up for what I’ve done (and haven’t done), and just being there for them again like I should be.

It’s a good feeling. And I’m so glad that they’ve stuck around.

I feel humbled and grateful and very, very lucky.

^{lemoneyed.com}

Over the past few days, I’ve re-ordered my list slightly, I’ve taken out a few goals, and I’ve put in new ones to reflect the changes that I want in my life. Things are bunched up now, related goals side-by-side, everything in some semblance of order.

That should help.

And now to actually get a move-on with all these things I need to do.

I feel as if I had been derailed by miles these past many months. I haven’t been doing a lot of the things that I used to do that were good for me, and I’ve wasted time on a whole bunch of pointless things. I need to get my priorities in order again.

Sometimes I think that it’s been a failure to cope with lots of big changes on my part, but I’m re-learning; coping with change didn’t use to be so difficult. I’m also realizing that as I grow older, I start looking for those constants, those people and things that-in spite of everything that may happen to me-will always be there no matter what.

This is an overwhelming goal, but it needs to be done. Bit by bit.