Unplug once a week and let go of my tech addiction. :p 14 months ago
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The last person in my life who wasn’t talking foolishness or ignoring me on a regular basis cut me off when I really needed someone and told me he just wanted to “keep it light” tonight. Since I have nothing “light” left to talk about given recent events, I sat there pretending to know or care what he was saying as he went on about some sporting event on TV and what he’d do if he were a millionaire. All I can say is I hope he enjoyed delivering his monologue while I sat here crying, feeling more alone than ever.
Talking to people used to be how I got through. But I’ve learned lately that the more I need someone, the less likely I am to get any real attention from anyone. I thought I had real support in this life but I don’t. If I were diagnosed with cancer tomorrow, one friend would tell me it’s not statistically surprising and then list the top 25 vitamins I should have taken but now it’s too late, one would tell me it’s great because it could be such a wonderful exercise in humility, one would say “that sucks” and then start talking about the Mets, and another would be too busy cussing out an inanimate object to even listen to me. I’m just getting angrier and angrier at everyone and I’m tired of listening to the nonsense.
I need to stop listening to people on and on any old time they want me to. All I’m hearing 90% of the time is fiction, and when I talk about what’s happening with me I either get ignored or told I’m somehow wrong or at fault. As much as I crave human contact and love, I need to stop chasing after it and just do my own thing alone more of the time. 2 years ago