become the person i want to be

This is my biggest goal, I’m not sure what to say about it, but maybe it’s slowly happening as time goes by, I’m not sure.
How am I going to know when I am who I want to be?
^ This is one of my problems regarding this.

So, this goal takes me to ask myself: who do I want to be? And that leads to: what’s important to me?
Well, basically, I want to be a good person. I want to be caring, generous, polite (rudeness is the one thing that pisses me off royally) and strong. I’ve known from age seven that I want to be a writer, and I know now that I want to graduate from University. I know I want a second degree in journalism and (Imagine there’s no heaven…) I’d love to get it in Columbia or Stanford, which would also meet my dreams of travelling.
But, most importantly, I want to be confident, smart and hardworking. Respectful, but also respected. I want to(and this is Shallow-me speaking) be atractive and elegant.
Wow, I do want a lot, don’t I?
Rereading this, I see that I forgot the biggest wish I have: I want to remain as close to my family and friends as I am now.

I would argue that this goal is something you never achieve, but are always doing. The me of a few years back would have liked to have been me of the present day; but the me of the present day is not satisfied. No doubt the me of the future won’t be content either.

At least not until I’m very old and I’ve hardly a use for a list of my (arbitrary number) of Things to do.

i want to become the person that’s hidden deep beneath layers of stuff, gathered through years of being “nice”, og doing the “right” thing, of being afraid to “rock the boat”

Well, it seems the first aspect to this goal is to figure out, who I want to be and what I want to do.

Emotionally, I want to become for self-forgiving, compassionate of others, patient, able to trust those who seem worthy of my trust, love those who seem worthy of my love.

I want to find the courage in myself to move forward, to learn how to develop relationships with people who will care about me and not judge me mercilessly as the ‘friends’ I had in the past did.

I want to let go of my loneliness and find ways to become more connected.

Also, I picture myself carrying alot less stuff when I envision the person I want to be. It’s kind of a random thing to say, but I always picture the version of ‘who I want to be’ to be carrying a small box like bag, and have jeans that can hold my wallet, cellphone and keys.

Strange huh.

Well, maybe it’s like that song, baglady by erika badu.

I hope that I will become more involved in the free jazz scene and go to far more shows, maybe even befriend some of these free jazz musicians.

paint. paint. paint.

relax.

learn to read faster.

find hope and optimism.

let go of my fear of disappointment.

land back on earth gracefully.

do kind things as I had in the past, but not feel obligated as a had at times in the past.

live magically as I once did.

find comfort in my world… but now, share it with other…

One day at a time. Slow process, but definitely a worthwhile pursuit.

realizing my potential!

WHO DO YOU WANT TO BE?