Grow as a person.

In my last six months of high school, the stress of about 10,000 things (from an emotionally abusive person to three AP classes to 30 hour work weeks) fried my brain. I became depressed, needy, and stopped caring about everything I’d once enjoyed. I also had symptoms of psychosis, alcoholism, and god knows what else.

I’m still reeling from it all. I want to put it all behind me - summer helped me unwind and recover from much of it - but I’m still having difficulties. I want to do things for myself, but I’m still not sure how. I need to stop lying to myself and those looking out for me (a certain guy has been through nearly all of it with me, and I’m just now realizing how much he cares).

I know I can do it, though. Two years ago I was a smart, confident, objective girl with everything I could’ve ever wanted. I can be that again.

You know, I find it hard to believe that I was ever so cynical that I thought time stood still and people stopped growing. However, it has become obvious to be that I’m growing as a person… when I hold my tongue before I say things I’d later regret and as I accept my mistakes and learn from them. and stop trying to live in the past.

Without having someone else there in my life there were no more excuses , before i knew it i had moved to a new city temporarily to train for a job that i had previously decided not to take because of the impact it would have on my relationship . I started doing stuff for me , meeting new people , discovering who i was a person . Now i have a life brimming with oppoutunity , scary and yet exciting possibilities and a better relationship ( with the person who broke my heart before but hey some things deserve second chances )

I want to grow as a person.I noticed that i have gone on in life acheiving goals i have set out for myself. I also noticed I dont stop and enjoy my acheivements. After one thing i set another goal. I want to grow as a person and enjoy the moment i am in. I plan and try to acheive. I expect others to be happy forr me when they see what i have accomplished, nt enjoying it myself. I want to grow as a person and be able to understand what i want in this world, not what i think i should want.

I guess I am always doing this, but I doubt it will ever get off my list, because I don’t ever want to stop… possibly a contradiction with wanting to learn to just be… but I believe the two can be in unison…

Maybe I’m wrong…

Its funny what a breakup will make you realise , and the major thing that breaking up with the boy has made me realise is that .. i need to grow as a person .

There is so much more i need to experience and learn about myself before i can be the person i want to be .. I just wish it hadnt taken a relationship break up to teach myself and my ex partner that .

however, i guess i learn something new about myself everyday. everyday i realise certain qualities that i lack, as well as strengths long forgotten or newly-discovered, buried deeply under all my layers of complex reasoning and emotion. i am so complicated that sometimes i struggle to look within myself and identify problems, both present or imminent, that are hindering my path towards emotional and spiritual maturity. i suppose its the whole transition phase i am undergoing here – i actually have to “grow up” now, a thought that dares to shake the roots of childhoods deepest enemy – adulthood; swearing to never grow up and become “boring”. we have all been through it at some stage in younger years, and i guess most people over the age of say 18-20 have had to overcome it, and finally admit that they were wrong, and that we have to shake the fear and plunge head-first into the world, armed only with God’s mercy, grace, comfort and protection, which will ultimately be more than enough to endure the transition smoothly while staying on the right path that He has prepared for us…

i don’t need to be any taller, i’m 6,0 already lol but with time i wanna be able to see my character grow and develop, become more secure and defined. quite exciting really!

Through our life we have been shaped by all of our experiences and role models. I want to be open to look at myself and see what works for me and what doesn’t and change that.

I want to grow spiritually, emotionally and physically in to becoming more and live my purpose!