be happy with the way I look

I have decided to accept my imperfections.

alright
i’m gonna say it right here, right now
some days, i love my body
other days, i fucking hate this structure.

my skin, some days, looks very clear and nice.
then another day it’s the battle field i don’t want to deal with.

i want something more consistent.

now mind you, i’m not neglecting my mind
i just need to begin with my outside
in order to feel alright with the inside.

so deep breath

here we go.

hold on tight.

I know i have a really bad body image and i mean who would blame me ive been suffering for anorexia for what 4 years now. Im just sick of waking up and hating myself
its like a never ending war its just so hard to describe what goes on inside my head.

hopefully one day ill recover from this fucking eating disorder and be able to live a normal life.

xxx

many people have this problem
hope to i solve this pretty soon

i am a little chubby and i can’t stand it. i see so many skinny people and i get jealous of their flat stomachs and tiny thighs. i just want to like the way i like.

I guess like everyone who has an ounce of self esteem issues, I go through bouts of thinkin I look good to lookin like a bit of a wreak.
At the mo I think I’m going through a period of transition as at the moment I cant even look at a photo of meself without cringin (jeez do I really look like that?!)

I list what i know will make me happy,

in no particular order,

To be fit, healthy bigger and stronger-helping me look my age (24)

To sort out my hair, from shaving it all off (Britney Style) I now am in th first stages of growing it out, later to be tamed into either an Owen Wilson style or just long shoulder length.

At the mo its neither one thing or the other, just boring.

To stop messing with every little inperfection on me face. I’m pretty blessed with a pretty good complextion but just cant stop touchin the odd rough patch hence makin it worse!

in addition to really concentrating on expanding my interests correcting these superfical factors will make me comfortable with myself.Until next time I have bouts of restlessness!

I’m feeling good about the way that I face the world these days. I still have days that I think I look like crap, but mostly I feel good. I haven’t really lost any weight, or done something dramatic with my looks, I’m just happier being in my own skin, and I think it shows. I’m becoming who I want to be in many ways, and people are attracted to that. I like me, and I usually like what that looks like.

okay so this might sound like rambling and like im jumping from subject to subject, but bare with me, i need to get it out…

so i want to lose weight, and i need to lose weight…about 20 pounds to be average and healthy. The thing is i don’t know if i want to lose weight…i mean i want to, but at the same time its like whats the point? i should be happy with who i am and what i look like. I am, happy i mean. At least i try to be, i tell myself its okay, and that even though im not the victoria secret model i am beautiful in my own way, but sometimes, i just can’t do it, i break. I can be okay with how i look at home, when no one else is around to compare myself to, but when i get out in public there are always the more beautiful people…the girls people notice. I tell myself that its okay, i am noticed to, but i don’t know if its enough. I think im scared to lose weight. I know i want to and i would look great without the extra poundage, but i think the problem is deep down i think im not going to be happy after i’ve lost 20 or so pounds, so why bother even working for something im unsure about? At this point i don’t know if i am mentally preventing myself from losing weight, because if i do lose the weight, it would be like now what? whats next? And yes, i would feel accomplished, i mean losing 20 pounds isn’t something everyone is willing to do, but does my unwillingness mean i am one of the people who won’t lose weight? Am i mentally preventing myself from losing weight because i am afraid of failure? am i so afraid that i can’t lose weight…that i have given up on trying? i think i am afraid… even though i’m still unsure of why exactly it is i am so afraid

thanks for letting me kind of “vent” in my own way…
even though i don’t know how much of this had to do with the subject at hand..

when I added this goal I would be considering marking it off so quickly.

I went clothes shopping last weekend with my mum and sister – bought some new tops and a skirt which I love :) Two more things to do before marking this off though. My measuring goal should help me a little with this and then seeing how the summer goes.

i really want to but everything about me seems so negtive