stop feeling sorry for myself

I’ve been through a lot lately and I’ve gotten into this pathetic mindset. I feel incapable to doing anything on my own. Yesterday I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and do something! 20 1/2 days to go before this thinking becomes a habit.

i think i feel sorry when i look back on my childhood and my past, alot of stuff comes up and makes me upset. in not feeling sorry for myself, i may become happier.

I know I have been through a lot of abuse in my young life and sometimes it makes me wonder if this is not some type of rewarding behaviors that I accept because it gives me some attention and love. Some is the keyword. I know it’s not true love but it is some attention. I keep accepting the way people treat me sometimes and I start feeling sorry for myself but it gives me instant gratification and significance. The problem is that I don’t feel proud … I mope around for a while but it gives me nothing, it stops me in my tracks, I start hating myself and not seeing the good in me.
This behavior is not conducive of being happy and I want to stop it. I want to understand better and find better ways to take care of my needs for significance and attention. I want to get attention because I did something special and amazing, which I know I am capable of. I just have to allow it.
I don’t want people’s pity, I want people’s admiration, affection, jealousy (sometimes hee hee)
I want to become the adult me I am supposed to be.

I decided that it was time to let go of the past and move on with my life- that is really great actually and stop feeling sorry for myself. It´s 3 months since I took the decition and I i haven´t felt better!

After YEARS of physical/sexual/emotional abuse…I have victims mentally and am overly sensitive. I get depressed and sometimes cant move. When my dark rain cloud arrives, its really hard to let the sunshine in. I YEARN to feel normal and DRIVEN to succeed! Yay strength! (....hmmm where did it go?)

I’ve been catching myself in the sticky web of self absorbed sympathy. I’m managing it quite well lately and even feel a bit of emotional control on my self perspective. Me.Me.Me. Blah, Blah.

I have to admit that the ONLY way I’ve been able to get out of my own head and not feel sorry for myself is to do something for someone else. Suggestion an ole pal Bill W. got to me. So, I’ve collected some things and are going to donate that to some kids.Got a few volunteer days at the tribe set up. I’ve just started to train myself again to make some moves and do something~(positive) for someone else when I get to that “sorry for myself place”. It’s kind of a strange magic how it works but I am satisfied with my dispostion today.

I refuse to keep beating myself up for the breakup. It just wasnt meant to be. The reason why i didnt trust you was because of the shady things you chose to do. i will not blame myself for it anymore. I know that i remained faithful and never took advantage of you. i lost more than you did in this relationship and im a much better person because of it. Im happy with myself and much better off. i know what i have to offer and you arent worth any of it. So, goodbye stress and self pity “)

Yup, I just cried about a million times yesterday. Knot in my throat because my old car is being old again and needs TLC. I spent too much money this weekend and don’t have gas money to go to work. I still owe money for my rent. I just cried. Cried.Cried.

All last week I found myself looking at my life as if I was being punished. Looked at how many calls I recieved, reflected on all the family members who don’t speak to me, and why all my relationships ended with miserale heartbreak. I looked at how I lost my job, my husband, and some friends a year ago. My income changed everything. I went from driving a 2005 Dodge Durango to a 1979 Dodge Duster.Went from living in a four bedroom house to a studio cottage. Humm… Here I go again….it kind of hurts.

Actually, another side is telling me calmly…”Life on Life’s Terms Ali.A new start with humble beginnings is a beautiful experience to understand and relate to. There is something wonderful in store for me and I had to let things go. I can make it as painful as I want to. I can make it as painless as I want to.” Who is this other side? Me. So my goal is to stop feeling sorry for myself, I want to make this as painless as possible at this point.

... i feel sorry for those around me who feel its necessary to put me down in order for them to feel good about themselves

in all the times iv felt sorry for myself, iv never acted in this way and it makes me stronger than any of these people.

I’m going to act more positevly now. I want to volunteer somewhere to see what real pain is like, and help those people.