listen to my body

to feel my body in each single cell. feel the pain and don’t be afraid of it. feel the discomfort in the back, in the stomach, in some part of my head and let it be there. knowing that just by letting it BE it will heal and renew itself.

(these are the consequences of too much pressure and not listening while being under stress)
when I go through it and not avoid meeting the pain face to face – it makes me free -

..

this also means to give my body all the rest it needs. to start focusing on rest and fast already around 7, 8 p.m. to calm my mind and thankfully leave the day behind, making sure that I’m in my best shape for the oncoming morning..

God, I love summer!

again. I’ve failed on this one… learning how to do it once again. because of the pain in my back, I’ve started eating more.
unbelievable, sometimes it feels like my mind plays tricks on me…
I eat more than I need so that I don’t have to feel the pain in my back. written down, that doesn’t make any sense, now does it?

_>

sometimes I’m afraid to feel my body because that means that I’ll have to face reality and see that I’m not in such a good shape as I thought I was, it means that I’ll have to stop working (and leave everything that’s waiting for me…) and simply give my body what it needs.
hmmmm.
I don’t know what I should do with my back.
playing cello with hours of practice and carrying my cello case everywhere isn’t helpful:(.
hmmmm.

when I find a way to take care of this, I’ll be in much better shape.

well now, facing reality and being honest to myself definitely IS a great step forward…
+

This milk thing is going fine, but coffee… huh.. it seems pretty hard for an addict to radically cut on caffeine. but I’m still trying…

I’ve started jogging again and hopefully, after a while, that will increase my energy level and balance my hormone level – and I won’t need coffee so badly.
Jogging rocks!

Down with coffee and dairy!!

I’ll have to stop drinking milk and dairy products :(!
oh my!
and stop consuming sweets too!!
oh my!

okay, I’ll leave myself a cup of coffee a day :O,
but I don’t know how I’ll manage to live without milk!

I really need to do this thing because of my health, all that iron deficiency and fatigue. I have to try if it works for me. This will be a challenge, but I can do it, I can do it, I can do it!!!

right:)?

okay, I’m coming back to this goal again.. I can’t accomplish none of my goals without this one. this is the begining and the end of my story.

these days I’ve started focusing on my breathing. every hour or two I inhale and exhale deeply for few times.
this way I get myself connected to my body (otherwise I can totally forget it in what I’m doing at the moment), I become aware of it and I can live in it.
small step, great changes.
I can feel my hunger (or satiety) clearly and those cravings seem like they’ve disappeared. It’s not like I’m a different person, I still have some cravings and have to control myself sometimes – but it happens more and more often that I can stop eating because I’m satisfied and I feel that I had a good, healthy meal which nurtures me, and not stop eating because my brain thinks that I’d eaten enough and I shouldn’t have any more (without any connection to my stomach, without feeling that satisfaction at the end of the meal, still wanting more but forcing myself to stop eating, always having rather unpeaceful relationship with food.. ).

anyway, all those changes have taken place just because I started breathing deeply every now and then, and especially focusing my mind on my breathing at the beginning and during the meal.

...

I want to make this a habit…
makes me feel good in my body, makes me feel healthy and brings peace to my meals, and all the other activities. I feel that I have more and more time, just by breathing, my time goes slower and slower.. wow!

I hope this can also help somebody else:)
+

I am learning to listen to my body I have been told many times that I don’t listen to my body so now I am aware that my body is trying to tell me things so I will do my best to hear what it has to say cuz I know it isn’t wrong…lol but so true

I just want to sleep when I’m tired, again, instead of eating or drinking coffee, or doing nonsense..

Cutting off all the activities, extra food. Sugar and coffee.
We’ll see.

Last night I fell asleep on the couch again. Woke up an hour later with a crick in my neck from sleeping in a funny position and then had to grogilly make my way upstairs to bed. It’s so counterproductive and makes for disrupted sleep for both me and my husband. How can I help myself accept that they day is over? Why can’t I just go to sleep?????!!!!!

Bedtime – I get like a whiny 8 year old who wants to stay up late and watch TV after bedtime. I can literally be falling asleep on the couch and insist that I’m wide awake!! It’s like I don’t know when to quit, but I guess I’m like that in a lot of ways.

I don’t know when to stop adding tasks to my list, I don’t know how much a day can hold, and I don’t know when to stop eating. Anyone else sensing a pattern?? When did I become so out of touch with myself?

It’s about a year on since my last entry. I’m taking this really seriously now and since I have, I’ve begun to feel so much better. Better diet, more exercise, ended dysfunctional relationship, am seeing a Chinese herbalist, eating strange brews!