just moving this off my list for the moment cos I’m tired of it staring at me accusingly when I’ve no headspace to make it happen :-p It’s still something I want to get into, but I need to start with smaller, more specific targets. 7 years ago
i have parts of this entry everywhere and i’m going to try and shorten my list so this is getting the cut! 7 years ago
not that it fits here but i’m tired of avoiding things, i’m sad because i miss 43t but just don’t feel like i have anything positive to add…
i have no energy to write, i feel bad because this was helping me sort things out but i’m so exhausted from the stress of being in my life.
i find myself slipping back into the same routine of working too much, cancelling on friends, skipping the gym, worrying about what people are saying or thinking about me and basically just losing myself!
i just feel like slipping into bed and never coming out! 7 years ago
and its working. i’m so happy that i’ve put this as part of my plan, id like this to be a normal part of my life! 8 years ago
i’m going to use it tommorow at the dentist because i’ll be drugged!
going to use it tonight as i fall asleep 8 years ago
I’m completely not in the mood for it. I learned my lesson last week – I wasn’t in the right frame of mind for it on Thursday, but I went anyway, and hated it. It was a different teacher than last week, and while she seemed very nice, she had one of those grating voices that are very hard to listen to for any length of time. To make matters worse, she was teaching chanting meditation, and because I wasn’t really into it, all I wanted to do was giggle at all the self-consciously muttering people.
So tonight, I think I’ll get a lot more benefit from a quiet evening at home than I would from class. 8 years ago
was last night. It was extremely basic but very interesting at the same time, because I know a good bit about meditation but have rarely actually done it. The teacher took us through some basic meditations – breathing, heartbeat, candle flame – with some movement and stretches in between. The first time I found it very difficult to focus; almost immediately I found myself more than half asleep and having those weird half-dreams or hallucinations that you get then. The room was very warm too, which didn’t help. The next two were better; it was easier to stay alert after moving around a bit, and by the last one I could actually feel myself slipping deeper into my consciousness for a moment – of course, as soon as I noticed that it was happening, it was gone, but it was still encouraging to feel that something was happening.
The one discordant note was that she spoke at length about her “spiritual leader” and founder of the centre running the class, a man named Sri Chinmoy. The fulsome praise of this man and the pedestal on which he was placed by his students put all my anti-religious hackles right up. At the end of the class we watched a short video about him, which made it even worse; and after that our attention was directed to a rack of books and CDs for sale at the back of the room, all written and composed by – you guessed it – Sri Chinmoy.
Fair play to the chap if he’s achieved personal enlightenment, sez I, but that kind of adulation feels wrong to me. I’m certainly willing to learn from anyone further along any of life’s various paths than I am, but I’m not going to follow anyone down any path.
I’m going to go again on Thursday and see what happens. It’s only four classes altogether anyway, so it may be worth sticking it out and just tuning out the encomiums. 8 years ago
I’ve found that if I don’t have a clear plan for what I’m going to do with my evenings, it’s hard to start anything and much easier to just read or play online, and end up getting nothing done. So here’s a clear plan for this evening. I’m seeing myself doing this as I write it…
I will finish work on time, and feel satisfied with what I’ve accomplished. I’ll leave straight away – not get caught up in wasting time online – and walk as far as the park. I’ll sit and enjoy the sun for twenty minutes, and I won’t be tempted to stay longer because I’ll be eager to get things accomplished this evening.
I’ll walk home. I will not trudge wearily, feeling I’m at the end of a long day; rather I will choose to walk briskly, breathing deeply, letting the exercise invigorate me. As soon as I get in I’ll change my clothes, then grab the laundry, feeling pleased with myself for having it already sorted, and head around to the laundrette. I’ll smile and say hello to the attendant, and not be upset that she isn’t pleasant in return – maybe this time she will be.
Once the laundry is started, I’ll go next door to the pizzeria and order the veggie special, with a pleasant smile for the waitress too. I’ll eat, then read my book till the laundry is finished. I’ll bring it home and hang the damp things up to dry straight away. When that’s done, I’ll vacuum the floor, then head back out for a short run. I’ll feel wonderful from the exercise endorphins. Once I get home I’ll shower and wash my hair, make some herbal tea and sit down for half an hour or so to relax before bed. 8 years ago
a good way to make necessary changes happen in your life. I’ll give it a try, although it’ll be very minor things at first, since I don’t know what I want in the larger scheme of things :-p
I also find it quite hard to focus and avoid drifting, daydreaming and getting tangled up in my own thoughts, but maybe that’ll get easier with practice. 8 years ago