feel loved

Some people really succeed in making me feel loved nowadays. A lovely girlfriend, a few extraordinary friends, and all the people who care about me, including you all. There are a lot of you, on this website, that I consider as friends, and who make me feel appreciated in a certain way, and it’s a little part of the big result that I got, the transformation I’ve seen since I took up this goal.

This is probably the goal that affected me the most since I joined this website, over 2 years ago. I’ve seen a major change, the difference seems to be quite obvious. I also feel like I’ve helped myself, by evolving in a certain way. Now, I think you don’t need to try to please others in order to be loved or appreciated. Being yourself is an even better way. Not everyone will like you, but those who do like you will like you for what you really are, and not for a fake “you” that you put up in order to feel loved.

I think I’ve reached a level of social attitude I’ve never reached before. I think I’m a better person now, compared to what I was just a year ago, for example. I stopped caring about what others think and started living for myself, and the rest just came by itself. There’s a huge difference between being loved, and being conditionally loved. Sometimes you will act a certain way, even if it’s against your opinions and principles, just to please somebody. Then you get kind of stuck in this fake attitude in order to not disappoint that somebody. That’s what I learned to avoid, I guess. I stopped compromising, I am myself, and now I feel loved like never before. Sure I disappointed some people when I took the mask down, but are those people worth my friendship? No! But I didn’t lose anyone valuable! Heck, I even think I got rid of some people who were more harmful to me than anything else! Liars, hypocrites, fakers, obsessed and depressive people used to stick around me and use my friendship as a way to make them feel better, as in better than me! Because they know I easily let people walk over my feet, I’m lacking some character and it has always been a problem for me, and I don’t think it’s something that is going to change anytime soon. But at least, you got to learn how to deal with your flaws, and keep people from using them to their advantage!

I know I’m a very generous guy, friendly and faithful, caring and supportive, kind and honest! And these people around me remind it to me everyday. I’m proud of what I am. I’m a good guy. :)

.

After a good chat tonight, I really think it won’t work. There’s no way we can deal with her father. She doesn’t want to lie to him, and I perfectly understand that. But he doesn’t want at all that her daughter goes out with a guy 7 years older. Now we’re trying to find solutions, but we can’t think of anything. And now, I’m out of ideas.

Well… it was kind of obvious that it wouldn’t work! And unless we suddenly have the idea of the century, it won’t work. Let’s take the next few days to think hard about it.

And seems like everything’s okay, she understands that I need my freedom and she told me she believes I can be trusted (did anyone think I can’t? lol!). We’re both okay with having friends of the opposite sex. She also had to understand that I might disappear sometimes for a week or two and suddenly spend this time with some girl on the other side of the planet (Finland is done, California to come maybe, New Zealand, Netherlands and Scotland in the next few years). As I said, she thinks I can be trusted. And I don’t know if I’m being naive or not (because I tend to trust people easily) but I think she can be trusted as well.

The only little thing is the age gap, I guess. It’s a bit embarrassing, especially for me. I’m not telling my parents, I won’t be showing it on Facebook, etc. For many people who don’t know her, it would look like I’m really dating a teenager (which is the case, yes! But should we also add “mature” to teenager!). She is young, I am old (woah!)... so we’re probably gonna keep it quiet.

She’s so nice. :)

Mixed feelings, weird stuff, uncertainty… but… well… hum… I got a girlfriend. :S

happens

I learn that I already have unconditional love from my family, especially my parents. After all their support and guidance they have gave me, I definately feel loved :)

sensational .

i am really struggleing with my inner thoughts. looking for that reason to not hurt myself. i need to focus on my cats and 2 girls i babysat most of their lives. i can’t hurt these people i really think care about me. and the cats—depend on me. i promised them it was “til death do us part,” an di’, not going to be the one to opt out of that one if i can help it. their health and happiness dependes on me.
i wish i had someone that would watch my back, but i can’t see having someone purely for that reason. it’s just not fair to the other person.
so i keep going.

you would feel if you were loved :)