I don’t know any of you, you don’t care what the fuck i say lol.
Anyhoo. I’ve been going to counselling and i realised sometime last night in my, up for 26 hours stupor, in the back of my mind, that I was looking for a “home” again when i broke up with my long term ex, who i said i was going to Marry, and had made him my home. So i moved back with my parents which was always my backup “home”. I always thought that if worst came to the worst and i had nothing left, i could always go home, i wouldn’t be homeless or tossed out. BUT then i started fighting with them, and moved back to New Zealand to my ex best friend. Who, even though we’d fought, was a sense of friendship family, after all we were besties… But then him and i also started fighting because of what happened in Sydney that hadn’t been resolved and me just generally going through this fighting stage. And now i’m on my own. But the whole time, it was a sense of “home” and family. My ex was my family, then i had to go back to my family. Then to my friend family. And now i’m on my own so i make my own family. I am alone in this family, so maybe if i get a pet, i’ll have at least someone/thing else apart from me and i won’t feels so alone. ONLY i’ve also been terrible vibe/stress wise to others and don’t want to do this to a poor pet either, so maybe just the stuffed animals. lol. It’s a hard life trying to find substitutes that make me feel a bit better about my situation haha :D
I’ve been trying to find my own home, family, and where i belong, because i made that my partner who i thought i was going to spend the rest of my life with, and now i’m alone.
My ex was my family. I lost my life partner and my family. That’s why it was so hard for me to break up from him and let go.
Certainly wasn’t hard for him. I’m almost angry i even gave him that position in my life when he didn’t even fucken let the bed get warm. What a prick. I don’t care how fucking nice a person he is, he does shit things that hurt others or upset them, he’s no different to the rest of us who if we’d done that would have been as asshole for it. What a fucking prick. 1 week ago
I have actually marked this goal as completed before – but that was a long time ago. It is time to take it up again. Why? Because it:
- Makes me sleep better
- Helps me put things in perspective
- Helps me practice my writing skills
- May be valuable to have in the future
- is an excuse to by pretty note books (should have been at the top)
In fact, I have already started. 1 month ago
I keep mostly a thought/reflection journal.
I’ve realized I’ve been writing down my thoughts since I was 6 and started my first “diary” with stickers and all when I was 10. I’ve been pretty consistent and the gaps between writing were, at the longest, a month.
Nothing too exciting happened till I was 16 and then things really got going (I’m now 22). Tons of thoughts and realizations about friends, family, myself, and life.
I simply kept track of where my mind wandered to in quiet hours when I was alone, the time when I would get my best thinking done. It’s inspired me to spend more time alone and just question so many things I’d never think to while with company and my attention is divided.
Slowly you start seeing themes in your thoughts, personal truths come to light, self awareness, a desire to grow and improve. Most of these things are natural to some people, but writing is still an excellent way to explore and delve even deeper into your thoughts. It’s a way to track your evolution as a person, it’s like leaving breadcrumbs so you can find your way back when you get lost. Not to mention how fun it is to go back and read things from years ago. 2 months ago
Started on 1 Jan and have only missed a very few days – if it takes 28 days to form a habit then I’m nearly there:-) Have meant to do it for years, I have one friend who has always kept a diary and I’ve admired that. I must be very blessed, it’s already interesting to see how much I’ve experienced in just one month! 3 months ago
How I did it: Like every child, I started having my first diary really early. I was 7 I think and looking back at it, it's really cute - Especially because I still had trouble spelling words and writing characters. Adorable.
The next one was the usual melodramatic, awkward teenage diary I had from age 10 to age 15.
Awkward. That sums it up.
But years later I am so glad I even wrote these diaries because it gives me an impression of my "past self" and shows how much I've changed, what I've achieved and how lucky I was (and most likely still am) to desperately worry about little things I can now smile about.
I wanted to start a diary again and I decided to do it on my laptop. Open Word, and start writing.
I can't imagine I wrote almost everyday for 3 years, but then I stopped and returned every few months with a site-long report of everything that happened.
Another few months later I would open the diary, look at the last entry and think: "Oh no. I have so much to tell, but I don't even feel like writing it all" and close the document again.
And that's where I was wrong. Read how I did it… 4 months ago
Starting a very exciting chapter in my life and I really want to document it, to look back on when I’m older and to remember and value it all. 10 months ago