Do things. Something different. Something new. Something that is so 'not me'. Something that expands my horizon or challenges me.

All this goal, with all its well-considered wording, really means, is set a goal – a good one. Most any serious 43T goal includes this goal as its premise. Also, there is nothing specific included in this goal. I have to figure it out anew each time I look at it, which I don’t like. I’d rather set a new, specific goal that tells me clearly what’s intended. (Actually, some of my other goals have this problem.)

Still, however, thinking through this goal gave me stuff to think about – what’s “me” and what is “not me” and how I can make the idea of “me” more holistic. Overall, I found this goal too hard to wrap myself around.

Ok, I have to do something so “not me”
1. Dress something not of my style, just try it out, and have a change!
2. Ok, this is something really challenging, but I am ready to change myself:
date with a guy, but not crazy about him. Be patient :)
3. Talk to everyone in next party, Absolutely EVERYONE! And be genuinely interested in them! Sincerely listen to them!
4. Talk to a random stranger on the way, or just somewhere, talk to a beggar.

I’d like to experience traveling in a straight line, speed in a really fast car, at least 200 mph. I could be driving myself or be sat in the passenger seat. I dont care as long as I get to experience the thrill of 200 mph.

However if thats not possible, then the experience of speed going round a race track, again I dont care if I’m a passenger.

I set this goal up for myself almost a year ago, dreaming of something exciting and new and that would change me.

Then, a few months later, I got this opportunity. I was going to get a chance to go to Europe on a tour for almost three weeks, seeing things from the Eiffel Tower to Normandy Beach to the Austrian Alps…and I turned that goal into this one.

I just got back from my tour yesterday…and it was an amazing experience. Everything was so beautiful, the people were nice, the food was good, the sights were one of a kind. Things were so big, adorable, beautiful, old, indescribable. It was an awesome experience (in both the true and slang meanings of the word). I couldn’t have asked for a better way to complete this goal – it was the essense of the goal (for me), it expanded my horizons, challenged me, opened my eyes, and was most definitely something “new”!!

For a while I have stayed away from watching movies that had violent content due to a desire to avoid taking in those kind of images, in the belief that the content of the things I observed would have an impact on my life. I also tended to have unpleasant reactions to certain kinds of violence.

However, I decided to challenge myself to go into what I had been avoiding and make myself a little uncomfortable. Quenton Tarrantino is a director known for putting lots of violence into his movies, so I chose one of his, Pulp Fiction. I imagined lots of grotesque, horrific images, glorifying violence. Although there was some pretty violent scenes, it was nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be, and there were other redeeming features in the movie, like the dialogues and the final outcome of the movie. I am not haunted by the negative images in this movie. Perhaps I had been being overly squeamish in this matter. I came away from this experience feeling empowered, and eager to explore outside my comfort zone. A barrier overcome!

To open my mouth when there is something important I need to say… I did it, I’m doing it, that’s it ;)

From someone who is usually critical. In the past, I’d allow myself to become upset and think, How dare they criticize me! Not today…

I listened, allowed myself to feel those words. Then reflect on the fact that I left out of my home looking and feeling presentable. There was nothing wrong with my pants.

You don’t have to like my pants, I thought. I let the feeling pass and I moved on, knowing that those words meant nothing. In reality, there are people who will criticize. That’s not my problem and I choose not to let it change my mood or make me upset~

Bringing Kla, my 10 year-old cousin, to stay with us is a big challenge for me and my sister. We want him to stay and study in town for better opportunity in education. But we’ve agreed that we won’t put him on extra courses, apart from study in school. Many Thai kids take extra courses during weekend and after school and that makes them miss living their child life. We don’t want to do that to him. We will feed him something else that he enjoys, like bringing him to new places, to the bookstores and trying new activities together.

This is a challenge for me because I have never thought of having my own kids. I love children but I am too selfish for my time. I can’t devote for my time and life bringing up a baby.

When Kla is here, I have to allocate my time for him and myself. I have to plan in advance to avoid getting stuck in my daily life when working long hours in my shop. We are now waiting for the weekend when he will go back to his parents and I will have my own time just for myself. But I don’t regret having him stay with us. I’ve noticed that not only him growing up to be a responsible and (learning to be) unsploiled boy but us being a more responsible adults too…

I addressed a certain someone who’d been doing and saying things about me that were not true, plain and simple. They shared ideas with my children that they perceived to be accurate, but were not. In fact, they caused a lot of confusion and even tried to do it in my home. Well, I made it clear that they are not welcome to come to my home and cause chaos. They called me later to apologize… here’s to saying what I needed to say with good intentions, releasing the outcome and letting the chips fall where they may~

I’ve been thinking that although I love being a teacher, I’m finding that I’m talking myself into staying where I am. I did not get into teaching to prepare students for a No Child Left Behind State Test. Every staff meeting, side meeting, planning period, etc… focuses on just that. What happened to the whole child? There’s no music, art or anything else that covers the affective domain unless we overplan and add it in. Then I hear, “It isn’t a priority”. My students are priceless. They mean the world to me, they are the world. What do you mean we aren’t planning to produce well-rounded individuals?

My daughter visited my school a few weeks back. Later on she asked why I still work there. I asked her what she meant. She talked about the conditions of the building and the behavior that is often excused and sent back to class that in another district, would be unexcusable. She went on and on…

So now I’m open. I have dreams of exploring new avenues. Publicizing my book and after one of the classes I took, perhaps teaching character building- that and multiculturalism. We’ll see where this goes. As I write this, I realize more than ever, I am open and ready for change. It’s time to try on a new hat~