Rescue the amazing person I used to be

I’m not sure if I was ever great but there was a part of me that I felt could really go far in life. I’ve smothered that because I let others determine my worth and then I just gave up. I want my mind back..the mind that had so much potential.

how much further am i going to let myself fall? I feel like I need a brand new start. no better time than the present.. :)

i used 2 be so fun and carefree
where did that girl go?!

i dont know what the heck is going on. all i know is i woke up this morning feeling really depressed. i havent felt like this since my mother died..although this is not quite to the extent of that. i have just been crying all morning..and that is unlike me. i feel like pretty much i have no friends..i have pushed people away..not on purpose..and i feel like i have made alot of enemies. i feel like certain people are nice to me but talk alot of shit behind my back. i confide in people and they tell others. although..if we are being honest..im not so good with that myself. i want to be more loyal. i dont want people to say behind my back that im someone who talks bad about people. idk whats wrong with me..in trying to be more confident..ive turned into a bitch. i really am not the person i am coming across as. i really dont hate people so much or think i need to put them down. and im really not a bitch..i am really a nice person..and i love to smile and laugh and have fun. but lately people have been just avoiding me..or so it seems like. i hang out with no one..besides my boyfriend and my roommate. i used to be the girl with so many plans and so many friends. i dont know what has happened. im also feeling so discontent with life. i dont want to be here anymore. i want to be traveling..or having an adventure..but im not..im here finishing up my overrated college experience..1 more semester after this..i have to keep telling myself this.

School started back up, and I almost lost what I’d finally regained. For a while, I was completely panicked over not being recognized for the unique individual I am, but I’ve finally grown accustomed to the idea that a lot of my uniqueness is in my personality, which I don’t show much in school settings. I realize that to be noticed, I’ve got to put something out there… and doing so has earned me the recognition that I need to feel like my good ol’ self.

I think keeping a journal is a good idea for anyone who’s lost themself. It’s nice to revisit your old self, and see the progress you make, but I think there’s even more good in it than that. Sometimes the ‘losing’ ourselves is just being in a funk. Writing can help get all the unresolved issues and the awkwardness that stems from them out, and restore us to what we used to be.

Seriously. Find a pretty notebook, and devote it to free writing.

will do this, am doing this, can do this

its not really about rescuing my past self..but rather becoming something new..a new amazing self..one thats different from the old self..because progress is good..stagnation is not. why would i want to be the same old person i was? perhaps id prefer some of the qualities that i used to have..but now i can certainly work towards that with a whole new attitude as to why i care to have these qualities in myself. things have happened. i am different. but it doesnt mean that i am worse off and i need to be what i once was. id like progress..

you’d agree?

I’ve finally done it.

I think that, with school out, I’m more free to be myself.
I’m at peace with the fact that I like nerdy things, and I’m not afraid to persue those crazy interests anymore.
I’m nearly finished with my rubik’s cube.
I’ve gained a new appreciation for “Avatar: the last Airbender”
And I’m okay with finding volumes of solids of revolutions to be my favorite part of calculus.
I’m proud of myself for getting only one B on my report card
[a B+ might I add!]
And I’ve admitted to myself that Disney movies are bad things to watch continuously.

This isn’t quite what I was hoping to be.
But it’s me.

To rescue the person you use to be is to realize that you need others to help you. Rather it is your family or friends, find someone who truly loves and ask them to help you. If you don’t have a loved one in your life… There’s always God, he will never leave you or forsake you. Ask him to bring you back… we’re never as far gone from who we are meant to be.

i don’t need rescuing… because all i had to do is realize that i still am the amazing and wonderful person i used to be… only much, much better.