be comfortable with myself

and its gonna take alot of work, i’m not sure how right now. but i’m positive that i can never be fully happy until i am comfortable with myself. i really hope theis works

working on this. It’s hard to. I mean it isn’t like I try to stand there awkwardly and not know what to do with myself. I just feel really uncomfortable sometimes especially at school. With people I know, I feel normal and functional. With those I know moderately or not at all, I feel like an awkward mess. From what I can see though, it seems I am not alone in this :)

This goal is hard, mostly because it is ongoing. Just when you got something figured out, something else calls out to you that needs your attention. If this was easy well then we wouldn’t need to change. On Wednesday I am going out on a date, it has been almost a year since I went out on a date. I feel that I have grown in many areas of my life and some are easier to work on then others. Dating and Love are hard for me, I have a really broad definition of love and I am afraid of being vunerable. I have set this up in such a way that it is hard for me to win, I truly believe I have to do some soul searching and really ask myself what love means to me and why I am so afraid. This guy I am going on a date with, it may turn out being just a date, or he may be with me for some time, I feel that if I start taking these steps then maybe I will get closer to understanding myself.

i will never be fully comfortable with myself around everyone...

just with those who are closest to me
which is fine!
i am coming to terms with it and realizing it’s okay to be myself…it’s part of who i am and so what if i am not comfortable around everyone?
my personality still shines with my closest loves
[it seems impersonal to call them just ‘friends’]

so maybe instead of “be comfortable with myself”
this goal should be “be content with who i am and accept that it’s okay to be uncomfortable around some people”

I feel extrememly stiff in how I carry myself. Why can’t I just loosen up around others? I get so caught up in what others think of me. It’s certainly time to let go. One of my other “things” is to stop seeking the approval of others. Why should I give a damn bout what others think of me? I’m trying my best to think that what I think of myself is more valuable than what others think. Everyday I will work to shed off a layer of fear.

“When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you’re sitting there, staring at carpeting?”
- Steven Wright

I just found this funny, I own a parolette and so I find this cute.

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.
Dr. Seuss (1904 – 1991)

so here I am, still weighing more than I ever thought I’d be happy with, but at least now I’m healthy, and happy with myself, I exercise now and spend a lot of time making myself go do things even when I’d rather be sleeping, and I finally managed to come to terms with the fact that I am who I am, if you don’t like me, I’m sorry, but I like me…Finally…... there was a very long time that I didn’t like me in the least…so saying that I’m comfortable with myself,not only my weight, but who I am, huge accomplishment, Thank You God, you’ve brought so many wonderful changes in my life….

i’d really like to get to the point where i’m comfortable enough with myself that i’d be happy to share a bit of ‘me’ with someone else. at this point i’m too pessimistic about people, especially myself, to think that i can truly be happy with somebody else. this isn’t something i can just ‘do’, but hopefully in time, i’ll find something that makes me happy with myself.

“We have to be what we want to see.”
- Mahatma Gandhi