be comfortable with myself

The main problem?

The one person in this entire world that I loved the most could not see how much I loved him. If the person I loved couldn’t see that I loved him? How can I be comfortable with myself?

That person is now absent from my life.

So… Now is the time and I’m still working on it…

My issues:

- I doubt my ability to perform my duties (whatever they may be).
- I worry that I’m not smart or interesting or fun enough for people.
- I’m embarrassed by my weight and general self-image.
- I am self-conscious of my awkwardness, which in turn makes me bizarrely meta-awkward.

My proposed plan of action:

- I will push myself out of my comfort zone at every opportunity.
- I will make it a priority to exercise and eat well.
- I won’t be afraid to fail, and won’t blow failure out of proportion when it happens.
- I will recognize my successes.

I want to love myself my two sides of me
I want to stop having conflicts between the 2 sides
I want to stop feeling self-conscious and shy around people better than me.
I want to stop comparing myself with others
I want to stop judging myself and be overly critical of myself.
I want to stop worrying too much about how I come across to others and what they think of me

But how?

I need to be contented with myself. See the good points of me. There are others who may be worse off or may be envying me.

I need to be confident about the things I do and say

I need to focus on what good things I offer to others. (a home to bf, hugs; listening ear and encouragement to my friends and siblings; smile upon others thus brightening their day; a sense of humour sometimes)

I need to learn to be thankful for the things I have.

I need to improve if I am not happy with myself, otherwise just accept and be happy!

I need to realize that life is short to be worrying about all these!

I need to learn how to have more fun! And stop worrying. But how?

I’ve realized that this is going to take a long, long time. That’s OK.

and its gonna take alot of work, i’m not sure how right now. but i’m positive that i can never be fully happy until i am comfortable with myself. i really hope theis works

working on this. It’s hard to. I mean it isn’t like I try to stand there awkwardly and not know what to do with myself. I just feel really uncomfortable sometimes especially at school. With people I know, I feel normal and functional. With those I know moderately or not at all, I feel like an awkward mess. From what I can see though, it seems I am not alone in this :)

This goal is hard, mostly because it is ongoing. Just when you got something figured out, something else calls out to you that needs your attention. If this was easy well then we wouldn’t need to change. On Wednesday I am going out on a date, it has been almost a year since I went out on a date. I feel that I have grown in many areas of my life and some are easier to work on then others. Dating and Love are hard for me, I have a really broad definition of love and I am afraid of being vunerable. I have set this up in such a way that it is hard for me to win, I truly believe I have to do some soul searching and really ask myself what love means to me and why I am so afraid. This guy I am going on a date with, it may turn out being just a date, or he may be with me for some time, I feel that if I start taking these steps then maybe I will get closer to understanding myself.

i will never be fully comfortable with myself around everyone...

just with those who are closest to me
which is fine!
i am coming to terms with it and realizing it’s okay to be myself…it’s part of who i am and so what if i am not comfortable around everyone?
my personality still shines with my closest loves
[it seems impersonal to call them just ‘friends’]

so maybe instead of “be comfortable with myself”
this goal should be “be content with who i am and accept that it’s okay to be uncomfortable around some people”

I feel extrememly stiff in how I carry myself. Why can’t I just loosen up around others? I get so caught up in what others think of me. It’s certainly time to let go. One of my other “things” is to stop seeking the approval of others. Why should I give a damn bout what others think of me? I’m trying my best to think that what I think of myself is more valuable than what others think. Everyday I will work to shed off a layer of fear.

“When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you’re sitting there, staring at carpeting?”
- Steven Wright

I just found this funny, I own a parolette and so I find this cute.