I realize my commitment towards this task… I no longer need it here – I don’t need a reminder to do the only meaningful job in the world…..... I luv you baby and will do more than my very best forever…
My job is not done…. till the day i have to go…. meanwhile amma needs to figure out other measurable goals she can complete… she’s on a roll… will make you proud!!!!!!!!!!

Hugs and millions of kisses… 3 months ago

I’ve always been involved with my lovely girl… but a few emotional diversions had me practical, aloof and edgy. I’m working on finding the perfect balance of being the loving, but yet disciplining single parent…
I’m sooo glad I hadn’t drifted too far in my path… I still have her…. 5 months ago

The justice system:

“A court is a judge and somebody who says, ‘He took my things!’

And somebody else says, ‘Nooo, he took MY things!’

And the judge says, ‘Ooohkay, stop arguing and I’m gonna show you how to play golf.’”

Wow… I laughed so hard when my son said that…I have no idea where he got that from, but if that’s really how things worked, I bet we’d have fewer problems in our country. “You are guilty. Choose between community service and a golf lesson with His Honor.” 12 months ago

My sister was watching a YouTube video and L started pouting that she couldn’t hear it. My sister told her to ask nicely, and L said, “Well, it’s not my fault if SOMEBODY is not sharing the computer with anybody but themself.” 13 months ago

Yesterday my little girl cracked me up. I told her she reminded me of a mouse, and she countered with, “No, I’m a MOOSE.”

“Do you even know what a moose is?” I asked.

“Yeeees,” She said, then struck a pose with her fingers splayed above her head like antlers.

“Mooses have antlers, Mom, I know about that.”

Well okay, then.

My son canme to me and said, “Mommy, let’s hold hands and make an ordinary circle.”

And my daughter made me laugh at three in the morning when she came to my bed half-asleep, muttering, “Mommy, mommy, lemme sleep in your bed, mommy.”

She fell on top of me and wrapped her arms around my neck. “Mom, mom, group hug.”

(?! ?! ?!)

I adore these circus animals. 13 months ago

I am thuh-rilled! I read my first book just a few months before I turned four, too, and I am so pleased that my little girl feels that same draw to words and meanings and new adventures vicariously enjoyed.

I found her at the kitchen table, trying to sound out the words in the book (one she had never seen before, by the way. She brought it from my mom). She was getting excited that she could read “Bob has a tan van,” and that a story was beginning to form. I sat there and helped her track her place with her finger, encouraging her to stay focused.

When she finished, she was overwhelmed by praise. The glow on her face! This morning all she can talk about is how everyone is so proud of her for reading a book. I predict this is the start of many great things. :) 14 months ago

As part of revisiting my goals…. I really want to focus on this one…. My baby is growing fast and 7 and a half now…. she still is in that wonderful “My mommy is the best” mode. I can only try to make that true….. 14 months ago

I enjoy this part of being mother of twins. They are both in the same precocious exploratory phase, finally turning into people. I can’t believe they’ll be four so soon.

When I got home from work, Babygirl greeted me at the door, chirping about going on an adventure. “Mama, I know! Today just feels like a great day for adventuring!” By “adventuring,” she meant taking a walk to the end of our block and back. I obliged, and along the way Babygirl, Littleboy, and I investigated the manifold wonders of cacti, fire hydrants, and stones.

As we walked the tenth of a mile, I thought back to my memories of an enormous valley behind my childhood home, which turned out to be less than four feet deep upon adult revisitation. Our “adventuring” today must have seemed miles to their tiny feet.

Later, when I was rocking Littleboy in preparation for bed, he requested a story: “Mama, can you tell me the story of the Boston Tea Party?”

Er… How about Peter Rabbit? No? Well, okay.

“Once upon a time, the people who lived in America were called colonists and their boss was named King George. They didn’t like King George because he wanted them to give him their money—”

“Was King George an Indian with feathers?”

“No, he was an Englishman, like Jack and the Beanstalk and ‘I’ll grind his bones to make my bread.’”

“Oooooooh.”

Those little minds make my day. 15 months ago

Last night, E was getting ready for bed and as we sat together for bedtime stories, he said, “Mommy, can you tell me the story about Icarus?” So I sat with him and told him of Icarus and Daedalus and the wings of feathers and wax that melted from hubris of a boy who didn’t listen to his father and flew toward the sun.

This is a proud mother. I always hoped my children would appreciate the myths and legends and history stories I tell them to prime their minds for exploring the world through books and education. And I am seeing hints now that those seeds I plant are taking root. 17 months ago

I asked L if she wanted to watch a movie. Her response was immediate: “No, I want to read!”

She is her mother’s daughter. :) 17 months ago

A few days after trying to explain the ancient Greek idea of telos (the proper end of a thing; its reason for Being) to my three-year-old (“The proper telos of a gingerbread man is to be eaten”), I quizzed her on the meaning. “Oh, I remember! It’s that thing that eats gingerbread mans!”

Oy.

Ater a re-explanation, she said, “Mommy, are you my telos?” I laughed so long at that, but the insight was adorable. From the mouths of babes… 17 months ago

...is essential for me to succeed at this goal. Obviously, there will never be a point at which I have capital-A-Arrived at good motherhood, as it is a process interminable. Yet on a day-to-day basis, I have to be ME, not some form once removed from my mother and not some conscious negation of her, either, which is just as much a lack of Myself.

I grew up in a difficult home with a very aggressive, negative, pain-inflicting mother who was abusive in many ways. (For anyone who has lived in such a situation, I cannot recommend highly enough Dr. Christine Ann Lawson’s “Understanding the Borderline Mother: helping her children transcend the intense, unpredictable, and volatile relationship.” You will not make it through dry-eyed or alone.) For children who grew up in such a position, it is nearly impossible to explain to others with a normal mother how terrifying and betraying it is to not trust the one who should protect you for all harm, no matter what her intentions.

Something I have realized in reading this book is that it is paramount for me to release my past in order to be the mother that is ME and that is not a reaction to something that happened to me. I’ll continue these thoughts later, but for now it is important for me to recognize them aloud and to stop hiding from shame. 17 months ago