crazy8ts is cleaning my boyfriend's house
I have researched and participated in many different christian denominations over my entire lifetime. None appealed to me after I got to know those who attended, I mean the “believers”, and what not.
Well, then I have this fascination with the Catholics. It’s all ritual and super personal. Yet I just don’t get the idea of the Vatican and all the stipulations upon being or becoming catholic. It’s like back when you had to pay a monetary price (a form of penance) for your sins, when priests would take advantage of the poor. Except now, it’s $600 to an attorney from the vatican to be accepted by the church, since you’ve been divorced from a man that was never baptised or even Catholic. Aw, that’s a rip off. Where the heck does God fit into that? (that was just an example)
But the idea of being able to walk into a church and pray, lighting a candle and having some personal one on one time with yourself and God, now that’s pretty cool. The idea of confessing your “sins” to a priest behind closed doors, with personal space and privacy considered, that’s even appealing.
Yet, IMO, the earthly requirements aren’t worth the effort.
I do believe in science. I don’t know a whole lot about it, but I’m not uneducated, either. I’m steadfast in my belief that if we can see it, prove it, then I’ll believe. With the cold hard facts and a firm grip with reality, I can believe in science.
It’s pretty amazing though, that we exist in this universe and to sum it all up as coincidence is questionable. Yet to see the chaotic nature of space, it’s totally possible.
The buddhists put this thought in my head, about us being born in the “world of impermanance” – how true is that. Not a single thing i can think of is permanent. Not even the stars in outer space live forever, nor does the sun. Everything cycles through life and death and after death, heck, how do we truly know with certainty what the heck happens or goes on.
I mean, our emotions, consciousness, our being is due to chemical reactions in the brain and body – that spirit I feel, it could be the charge (electrical it may be) of life, but when I die, the charge goes out, I no longer feel emotions because it’s a scientific fact that our emotions are chemical reactions in our brains. I no longer have thoughts, because without my brain there is no consciousness, without thoughts, no feelings, without feelings, no sensations, without all this, no me.
To me, that seems rational. As much as I wish there was a heavenly father looking over us and loving us, as much as I wish there was something else out there, a creator, an answer to my existence, well, I don’t see with my clear reasoning, how that could possibly be rational. Wouldn’t it be lovely to believe that after one dies, she/he goes to “heaven”? That such a place exists?
Truth is, human nature is all part of science and reality. Human nature. Those I used to worship with, well, they were just people like you and me. And they messed up, but unfortunately, they blamed the devil before they blamed themselves. They denied their human instincts which make us apt to be good sometimes, bad sometimes. The basic survival instinct to protect ourselves with certain “bad behaviors” and to enjoy pleasurable activities with many certain “sins”.
But what about guilt, sadness, stress, all a part of believing one is “bad” because one is being human. I don’t need it anymore.
I don’t have all the answers but I only know what’s right for me. I don’t know why people are down right evil sometimes, but it’s definately not because they lack God in their lives. Give me a murderer and I’ll give you a murdering religious person. Fact is, we’re human and human is human, we make our own choices.
Accept the fact that I’m not perfect, I make bad choices but I’m the only one to blame for the consequences of my actions (good or bad)...let the pieces fall where they may. I’m empowered now and that is all that matters. This is my truth.
