make the first move...

This is going to be the goal I focus on most, for now at least. All part of the big plan…

I just give up.
I will die alone.
That’s it.
I admit it.

Can it be over now already?

I’m a retard. I really don’t know where I belong in the world of romantics and sexual desire. Instead of dating my friends brother and all of his friends that would hit on me, I told them that I was a LESBIAN. They didn’t believe this because they knew that I had never dated or been kissed by anyone. So I told them that I was ASEXUAL (not really), and to just leave it like that because I don’t like anyone. They told me that I would “never know until I try”. Ughhh! So I really think that I’m a lesbian. I have wild sexual comforting dreams most with women in them. I would actually like to date a lot of straight girls that I know. Before my Freshman year in high school I said I would be open and try out guys and girls and called myself BISEXUAL.

So about this special someone…
My Sophomore year this guy that I was really friendly with, nothing more but we were close, reminded me that I’m a real human and I am attractive and I get noticed. Despite the fact that I still think I’m the ugliest creature on the planet, when I would hang around with him I would just be another being. I knew he smoked weed and he’d always ask me for apples (to smoke from) ;] and well, I love weed but he never knew that. I would love to toke with him now. So one day he was the only one who noticed something that no one else, and not even in my expectations for anyones knowledge, that I had trimmed the side of my hair just a little bit so that it would bob and slant down towards my face like the other side of my head. I was shocked but not ecstatic like a little girl who would swoon at a popular boy talking to her. I never really noticed how much I liked him. I liked how strong he was. I did not like it when his head was shaved because it would look huge. I liked how he copied off of me but it was not because he was stupid; he’s not. My Junior year, away from the school that I was where he was, I would nonchalantly and absentmindedly think about him, wonder what he was doing, and eventually have romantic daydreams and sexual dreams at night about him. Crazy.

My senior year, this year, I am back at my old school. I looked around for him everyday until some girl told me that he had been in a car accident just before school started. For some reason I already knew he was okay. At the beginning of last week I had seen him walking down the hallway with a bunch of guys around him talking about how they missed him. He was limping and I saw the brace around his leg. I hid myself behind people and kept walking so he wouldn’t see me. The first thought in my head is “Weakness is a huge turnoff”. Why the FUCK did I think that? Slap me with a fistful of regret and insolence!

I was filing in the office 7th hour today and I stand up and see him standing there with a huge smile across his face. Why didn’t I run over to hug him? Already my thoughts are getting ahead of me It was small talk. How are you? Look at my scars from the car accident. Drunk Driver. No joke. (I felt like I was smiling to much. How did I look? Were there zits on my face?) “Actually, I came here to see you.” Stop the presses.

EDIT: I’m stupid. No one loves me like how I dream they would love me. Ugh. Stop Dreaming So Much!

Sometimes you have to just make the first move. It took me a bunch of times to get him to notice me, but it finally worked and we dated. It didn’t work out, but it was definately worth it.

yeah, I’m pretty old-fashioned myself when it comes to relationships… so I waited for my crush to make the first move…and he did! and things ended up perfectly for us. we’re together, it’s been 2 months, and things are going great : ]

Reminds me of a song. “Your Love” by the Outfield…

http://music.aol.com/video/your-love/the-outfield/1386795

OK so maybe thats not what the song is about. lol. but theres a verse that reminds me … :)

i dont really have a desire anymore to make the first move.

im old fashioned, what can i say!

thanks to making the first move i now have an amazing boyfriend. yay.

You have to be willing to go out on a limb and know that you may look silly, but also know that it’s worth it.

Kiss, kiss, Lead to fun stuff :)