Be the best I can be

I want to become a more effective person. I’ve completely strayed from every goal I set for myself as a young teen. Now I find myself desperately wanting to get back on track. I want to be the best I can be for God, for myself and for others. Its time to be strive for excellence…

I vow everyday to be the best I can be. I read, study, write, compose, produce, practice, exercise, eat well and spend quality time with my significant other, kids and grandkids.

Growing up the oldest of 4 kids and the only girl with 3 brothers, I always had to be on my best behavior. Mom taught me to be ‘scene and not heard’ so I didn’t voice an opinion very often. High school I was extremely shy. I loved journalism. It was here I found a way to express all those inward thoughts that I was taught not to share verbally. I also loved to play basketball and run track. But in those days, it was more an intramural sport through gym class. I graduated and wanted to go to college but fell in love, got pregnant, and then married. Four kids later and 5 houses and cities, I felt like I was growing up with my kids. I did the best I could and all my kids are awesome individuals. They tease me! “Mom, are you ever going to get old?” I get mistaken for a sister, not the mother. My life is good, and it only gets better.
I now want to return to journalism, not sure if it will be adventure writing for seniors or mother/daughter bonding, or thrift shopping tidbits. The new computer has been ordered and the camera is in its box on my desk. Watch out world!

My parents are proud of me as I am right know but I know I can do better than how I am I can get better grades and I can be a better person I want to help people and i might jus be an 11 year old girl but I know I can do what ever I want to do when I grow up I know I am going to be a person that has alife

I will be thankful for everyday and embrace every moment, opportunity, and strive to reach higher hights.

I dont wanna feel like i haven’t accomplished anything….i wanna feel like i am on top of the world!

I think I’ve learned to be a little bit easier on myself when I’m having a bad day. Maybe its because of the society that we’re in that says that we have to be happy all the time – but I found myself getting mad at myself for being sad the other day. Like I had to fix it. Like being sad was a really bad thing.

But then I realized, yea, I’m sad – so what? I’ll just be sad. And then I woke up the next day, and it was a new day.

I know there is no possible way to be at my best and be here with family. It is simply too stressful, and their remarks are often negative and condescending. So I’m looking to move on, hopefully find an apartment/house to rent in the next couple of weeks or so.

I know I’m just going to have to limit my contact with them, which I find kind of sad, but its better than being undermined and discouraged all of the time.

I’m kind of tired of feelling the imperious need of critizising everything and everyone. Even though I keep those ugly comments to my self (mostly) I get really tired and unhappy. I feel like nothing is good enough (even me) and therefore nothing is worth trying. I’m always trying to help others and I’m a forgiving person, but somehow I feel like I don’t belong anywhere and/or with anyone.

I try to mantain peace around me, but when the time comes and I explode….(God have mercy) I DO EXPLODE!!! and I usually say very hurtfull things. And after the holocaust I feel awful. I want to change. I want to look different (lose pounds and get fit) but I truly want to feel different inside

I can’t really describe what it is, or where it comes from, but I know it hinders me and makes me unhappy. I think I just feel like I have to always be on my guard, and be prepared for the worst. Or that I can’t let things go wrong. At times it can feel overwhelming. I don’t know if there is a certain amount of fear that is healthy – like enough of it that keeps you from making unwise decisions. Or if fear in general is a bad thing, and it is never healthy.