Huzzah! Embrace my randomness! And let people know it's OK if they embrace their's too!

I drove all by myself out of the county 45 minutes away from my home all the way to my University! Woot!

I knew that I had to get a decal for my car which was 25$ I have not had the time or the money to get one last week (art school is very demanding) Today I went to get my temporary permit renewed for a few days while I waited for my decal. I went to my car for the first time in a week today to put my new temporary permit in the window and I found two parking tickets at 15$ each.
Yesterday I put accidently got another hole in one my jeans near the crotch and had to sew it back together because I can’t afford a new pair of jeans and I refuse to ask my dad for money.
I went to the bursars office today and I don’t think that they are going to let me fight it but I tried.
Why is it that when I try to do something good (like driving my own car) I get spit on? I know this is mostly my fault because I should have done this last week. But last week was so busy with my drawing midterm UGH!!!! I want to cry!
Today after dinner I’m going to this consignment shop to see if I can pawn off any of my old jewlrey/clothing for cash. So I can pay for these tickets and maybe a new pair of jeans since all of my old ones are ripped/don’t fit.

I messaged this guy that was in one of my classes on Facebook and over the month that we had break I messaged back and forth with him. Finally we get back to school and I get the courage to ask him to lunch with some friends. He accepted. Then we actually went to lunch and it was really awkward because BFF and her Potential BF were talking to each other across the table about music and no one wanted to interrupt them.
On Sat. I FB’d him again apologizing for the awkwardness and I invited him out for lunch again, and gave him my phone number.
This guy is cute. We both have a mutual love for recycling and Shakespeare. He likes Shakespeare, and he’s not gay! (THank you!) We both love the same music and we are both crafty in our own ways. WHY WON’T HE EMAIL ME BACK!!!
I mean. at least tell me that you aren’t interested if you aren’t. I know you’ve been on Facebook. You update your status messages more than I do.
With my luck I will get him to have lunch with us again and he’ll end up liking Mary. Because all guys end up having crushes on Mary. She’s so cute. I can see how it would be hard not to.
Okay. So. End of rant.

Okay, my to-do’s for this weekend:
1. All of my homework
2. Sleep in on Saturday
3. Paint my window in my dorm room
4. When I don’t have to be in my dorm room, go to a more public area where I can meet new people
5. Meet someone new! (Smile, maybe flirt with a cute guy?)
6. Go to bed early
7. Figure out how to hook up the printer and DVD player.
8. Make a portfolio
9. Buy the paper I need for class
10. Walk around town and pick up more applications since the store never called me back for a follow up meeting.
11. Make sure I’m registered on campus to vote

I went to see my biological dad, I had to wake up at the oddest hour because they are closed after 2 in the afternoon. They open at 6 in the morning and today was basically the only day that I could go before class. I walked all the way down town, went up the steps, opened the door and stood in the frame awkwardly staring into the diner. I must admit I kind of panicked (sp?) and almost walked right back out. But I went and sat at the bar, right in front of the grill. There were two people working, one I assumed was Doug, my biological father and I think the other one was his wife but I couldn’t figure out her name.
When I got in there I thought that I made a mistake, and that it wasn’t the right place at all even though it has his last name on the out side sign. He doesn’t really look like me, not even my nose which my mom always said I got from him. Since I already sat down I got water and decided on the cheapest thing on the menu egg and ham on a bagel because I only had five dollars in my pocket and a dollar in pennies in my wallet. I don’t know why I even bothered to order, I hate ham. I hate eggs. But I ate the whole damn plate so I could stay for awhile. Eventually I figured out that it was the right guy, the girlfriend/wife called his name from across the room. I don’t konow if he recognised me or not. I don’t see why he would, though I’m told that I look just like my mother. He didn’t say anything to me the whole time and I didn’t say anything to him either. Two kids ran into the bar behind the counter screaming “Daddy” at him. I have a little brother and a little half sister.
Which makes sense for the odd hours I guess. It gives him more family time, when they start school they would get home around three. And the diner isn’t open on the weekend. I’m still curious but I’m probably not going back. It’s obvious that he’s happy. I don’t want to ruin his relationship with his wife or upset his kids I guess. it just kills me though how he could just give me up though. I was two when he did it. I lived with him until I was two. He knew I existed. My mom said he used to be abusive and that’s why she left in the first place. Sometimes my mom is full of crap and lies about the dumbest things. But I don’t know why she would lie about something like that.
I’m still upset though. If he has a whole family, and kids why couldn’t, why wouldn’t he want to see me??
I’m not going back. I don’t even know how to bring up the conversation with him to get my questions answered. I’m pretty sure I can’t walk to his house. I don’t even know where it is.

Yeah. I’m getting some coffee now, and going to class I guess.

I went to a Frank Warren Post secret conference with Frank yesterday, it was pretty awesome though I ended up sitting by people I didn’t know by myself. I’ve got to start making friends here because it’s getting ridiculously lonely.
I decided today that I would walk down to the local diner. I wasn’t going to but I just have to go inside. I know my biological father owns the restaurant and I’ve always wanted to see him. I don’t really want to talk to him, I know he abused my mom and he willingly chose to give me up for adoption but I still want to just see him. Even if it’s only for a second. I’ve only ever seen picture of him once, and half of him was cut out. I think I’m just going to go early one day since it closes at two in the afternoon and I’ll just get breakfast there and coffee and see if he’s there or if he’ll show up. I wonder if it’s normal to be this obsessive over this kind of thing?

I meet my roommate this week, she’s spending the night at my house and I’m spending a night at her house.
I’m kinda afraid that she’s going to think that I’m really weird and that she’s going to request a new roommate after two days. I’m also kind of afraid that we are going to argue alot and that we are going to have weird sleeping schedules and I really hope that she doesn’t sleep with the TV on because I’ll never get sleep ever.
What am I going to do with my spare time? I can’t take my sewing machine to school, the room is too small. Guess I’m going to actually have to leave my room (le gasp!) and meet people..

So in my last account I wanted to send postsecret cards to Frank Warren and then I decided to make them into videos on youtube instead. Stupid me never saved them. today I checked my youtube account and they are gone. Deleted. Erased. Nothing. I’m pretty pissed. Not even going to lie.
Oh well. I’m attempting to put the stop motion video that my friend and I made onto youtube. If only I can get rid of the obnoxious music accompanying it.

Well.
Out of 3 people my friend and I got second place :( Which really sucked hardcore because we thought we were going to win for sure as the winners project was really controversial. It kinda stinks that we didn’t go to states but we made out with a semi-shiny trophy, T shirt, and free lunch as a consolation prize :) And we don’t have to worry about editing ever ever again.

on monday my friend and I are going to a competition that we entered one of our stop motion videos in, with any luck it will win and we will advance to States. Right now, if we win the competition we are in we win $500, so $250 each.
If I ever get the project back I’ll upload it onto youtube most probably since it was a pain in the butt project I figure it’ll be a good thing to at least have it available for other people to see besides my friends.

Yesterday my mother called my brother and myself to tell us that she was getting married to a man that my brother and I have only met once. He has a daughter that I have never seen ever in my life. And my mother is adopting her, having her fiance (his last name is still unknown, I was in too much shock to even ask) adopt my sister.
I don’t even know. I get to be the maid of honor. My brother is walking my mother down the isle. I have extremely mixed feelings. On one hand I am extremely upset, I have really never even talked to this guy (I don’t even know my new step sisters name). But I also have to tell myself that I really am not part of my mothers life anymore. I am a bad daughter. I can’t believe I am so disconnected with my mother. But she really is rushing into this? They’ve only been seeing each other for the past few months. But then again, I’ve been dating my BF for 9 months and she still hasn’t met him.
Ugh.
I still feel horrible.