Stop being so lonely

How I did it: Took a year-long trip overseas which basically purged me of any lingering need to hang on to old friends who were great at one time but no longer live in ways we'd mutually understand and enjoy each other like we used to.  Sort of a convenient tear-down, rebuild opportunity.  Returned home with no one but a handful of friends, all of whom lived out of town, but showed me who my friends are and what potential others might look like. 

I also heeded the dear old friends of my sisters, who all were there to celebrate my return, more of them than those I'd thought were my own friends.  Over the last few years I'd noticed how great my sisters' friends were and wondered why don't I hang out with people that nice?  Why were they attracting nice people you could take anywhere and have fun with anywhere, while I attracted "interesting" people that I personally liked but who never got along - or even wanted to try to - with anyone else I liked? 

Having a friend is as simple as being a friend, so I started with myself and became more like the kind of friends I want to have.  It was like opening myself up and not being so afraid of others' judgment.  I showed up to events and activities I wanted to show up for and hung out at the bars I wanted to hang out at, sometimes inviting cousins and siblings if I didn't feel comforatble going alone - I've always been close to my relatives and it always pays off, because they are the kinds of people I'd like to hang out with themselves!

  Over time, others who liked the things I liked and had personalities that attracted me became friendlier and more inclusive towards me.  I also got a job that forced me to get over shyness - a city job, in which I am one of the only two people in my city who does what I do.  Making phone calls to strangers, showing up on their properties and using a more forceul personality to tell people (sometimes total idiots) what they're supposed to do is now a part of my job every day, and I love what I do, so I always feel great even when I'm tired and busy.  Best of all I really like all the people I hang out with now.  I'm not just showing up, I'm looking forward to every night out being a blast, and then it is.

Lessons & tips: See above.

Resources: Alcohol, drawing socials, snowboarding, ex-boyfriends, jobs, animals...

May 03, 12:54PM PDT | 0 comments | 1 cheer