feel the fear and do it anyway

I usually take the bus to and from work. On Friday, I took the train back. Yes, it’s not super big, but I’ve never taken the train before and there’s always that nervousness when you’re about to do something new. (In this case it was taking the subway to the right stop, making sure I bought the right ticket, getting on the right train, getting off at the right stop)

So I was nervous, the train is a little more expensive, and I thought that even if it was a disaster, then next time I would definitely know how to do it. And it turned out it was totally fine, everything went great!

is no longer something that would stop me. I have learnt how to face and fight fears and that’s all I can do about it. And I like the thrill of going from one comfort zone to another. Sometimes it’s scary, sometimes painful, sometimes very easy. Sometimes it’s leaping, sometimes tiptoeing, sometimes walking. Whatever it looks like, it’s the only way to expand.

Now it’s time to go and do the things I am no longer afraid of doing.

Not fearful about much these days. I know labor will hurt, but I just am not afraid of that pain. I welcome it because…

A. I know it will pass.

B. I’m a marathoner who internalized a lot of valuable lessons about my own vast strength and the nature of pain through my training and through the painful marathon itself.
For example…. Fear and pain have about as much power over me as I allow them to have. Pain is JUST pain. I don’t need to fear it.

D. I have faith that God will not give me more than I can handle.

E. Hubby will be there the whole time.

F. Most importantly, this pain will be insignificant compared to the joy it produces when we get to meet our little girl.

I am super blessed and thankful.

When I was younger i was afraid, but I DID it and now I don’t because of these panic attacks. Roller coasters, air planes, scary movies, sleeping alone :(

This isn’t like me, but during my nightly insomnia (THANK you baby-to-be) I kept worrying about stuff that MIGHT happen. I’m just gonna get it off my chest here so I can move on…

What if I have the baby early? We won’t be in our rental house until August and all her stuff is a jumble in SIL’s spare bedroom… Rebecca’s only 3 pounds now. What problems would she have coming after only 3/4 of the gestation period?

What if my husband is away at military training during the birth? I hadn’t even thought of this until my SIL brought it up as a possibility. He has drill scheduled for two days before my due date… Eeeep!

This is a biggie, because I feel like I really need the stuff. My OB says, however, that most women taper off in the third trimester if they can because the baby can actually have withdrawal symptoms for up to two weeks, including seizures! He sounded like I can choose to stay on it, but I cannot take that chance for my baby girl.I’ve gone off it before with BAD results (almost divorced during that time). So this is a bit terrifying. Prayer, prayer, prayer.

I had an episode of “feel the fear and do it anyways” today at work. It involved being asked to do something that I’m totally unfamiliar with. I thought to myself, “what would a totally confident person do in this situation?” – do it and not be afraid of looking stupid. So I did! (OK, so it’s not anything life-changing, but I think it tells me that I don’t have to be nervous or afraid of small things, I can just run right through them).

THe fear comes and goes, I hope I can continue to do it anyway.

A couple of months ago I listed some things I associate with risk/fear. Let’s see where I’m at now;

• Financial risks (investments, property)
  I have made some investments in myself, and enrolled in several personal interest workshops. I still have not made any leap regarding investments or property. Will look for opportunities to educate myself in finance, but for now I’m happy enough with my savings routine

• Driving
  No action taken, yet. But I’m not avoiding the idea like I used to. If it comes down to it, I’ll be happy to a day off to sit the test

• Being honest! I sometimes find it easier to shy from communicating clearly than to be upfront
  This I’m still learning

• Seeking career challenges
  I feel like I have so much on the go in my life outside of work, I’m still fine at the moment in my current role

• Following my dreams
  More than ever, I’m listening to my inner voice. I’ve invested time and money into 6 short courses and workshops so far this year. I’m loving learning, loving life and I feel my dreams are more within my grasp than ever

• Travelling without a job to come back to
  One of my close friends who I’ve travelled several times with, is returning to Europe this September. Having a birthday cocktail overseas a still an option I am entertaining!

• Having too much trust when I don’t have all the facts
  This year I’ve been taking action more quickly, instead of pondering too long on all the potential outcomes. I’m trusting myself more, to make the decisions that are right for me.

So the main focus at the moment is learning and having new experiences. I’m doing plenty of that right now and I can feel the changes :)

I have conquered the fish tank thing, mostly by exposure and a good psychiatrist who understood that the phobias were not real in themselves, but manufactured by my anxiety driven brain to account for the constant fear.

My agoraphobia- mostly licked. I no longer get freaked out in wide open spaces.

Roller coaster phobia- I rode one. I was catatonic for a full day and experiencing flashbacks for two weeks. Never again.