Learn to accept compliments gracefully

I have to admit I’m getting better, I’m getting better all the time.

It does get easier once you see that people appreciate it when you can take a compliment, and they don’t think you are being pompous or self centered.

I do still tend to be modest but I’m no longer completely flustered by such things… unless the compliment is so unexpected and exceedingly generous. One incident comes to mind particularly but I’ll leave that to another post (I did blog about it early in august).

I really am. I’m not sure if I’m succeeding though. I try to thank people for the things they say, but sometimes I’m uncomfortable with the praise and cover it by talking through the praise and carrying the conversation to a new area. Sometimes I make half excuses for the praise worthy thing and try to belittle it so it isn’t praise worth to other people.

As if I should be ashamed of qualities admired by others in myself.

I just don’t get it. Why is this such an ingrained behaviour? you’d think it was a defense mecanism or something. But that’s like defending against good health. It just silly.

I’ve been getting a lot of complaints about this lately. Apparently I’m modest to a fault – I’d honestly rather someone criticize my work to shreds than look someone in the eye while they compliment it. I actually feel physically ill listening to people praise me. Part of it is I simply don’t believe them – I’m one of those awful perfectionists that has blinders permanently attached to her face that block out any good qualities in her writing, her manner, her personality, anything. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t know why this was, but I’m not lying when I say I’m not sure that there’s anything I can do about it. I will always be uncomfortable with compliments, but I really need to learn to deal with them in a way that doesn’t hurt others’ feelings. Receiving compliments is like a great battle between my two greatest instincts: to not ever be considered as rude or impolite, and to avoid being the center of attention at all costs. It’s quite the conundrum. But I figure I can at least stop the flu-like feelings from being apparent on my face, and learn to say, “Thank you” in a tone that is at once gracious and signals the end of the exchange, sparing me further discomfort. I’ve seen that tone in action, and I’ve never been able to master it. But I will.

I suppose I never realized I was so very bad at this. I just got back in touch with an old high school friend from twenty years ago, and as we were having a phone conversation, he pointed out to me that I still did not know how to accept a compliment. ARGH! STILL??? That means I never have known how to accept one. If I never have known, is it too late to learn at age 37?